Lord and Guardian
by Blueblue
Summary: Cowritten by Jaya. Haldir and Celeborn love each other, but don't realize it. Misunderstandings separate them, and Haldir meets Elrohir. Complications and heartbreak ensues. Original NC-17 version here: http://www.angelfire.com/film/haldirsrealm/
1. Part 1 A walk through the wood

Part one - A walk through the wood  
  
It had been a long day, longer then usual. Perhaps it was the fact that he had not slept the night before, or just everything combined. It was not often in his long life that he considered any day longer then the last, but this day. Most of the guests had already left, going their own ways with lovers or loved ones, Galadriel herself had already departed for another part of the wood. Though Celeborn did not begrudge her the company she choose to seek out. For in truth their relationship had cooled over the years, he still loved her but it was not what it had once been. That was the reason they had agreed that it would be alright for each to seek another's company should they wish to do so. It was not her fault that the company he wished to seek might not be receptive of him, or even share his feelings.  
Celeborn sighed, running a hand slowly through his long silver hair staring out at the silver light forest. It was beautiful night, he could not deny that despite the tired longing of his body and soul. Slowly eyes came to rest on Haldir, the guardian of the wood standing near one of the main entrances. His back was to him, but that did not matter, for a few moments Celeborn let himself look at the object of his desire before quickly averting his eyes. //beautiful he is... could he return my affection?//   
It was the wine that was affecting his mind, it had to be that. He normally would not have done as he did that night, walking resolutely across the floor to the door. Coming to a stop next to Haldir, staring out at the night watching the way the silver shadows danced as the wind blew through the trees. "Haldir would you walk with me this night?" He asked softly after a moment, turning to look at the other directly for the first time. Eyes picking up the carefully sculptured features painted in moon and candle light, shining of hair, clothing clinging slightly to his body, showing off - to an extent - what lay beneath.  
  
The guests had slowly started to leave after the celebration dinner, drifting past Haldir in small groups of two or three, still talking happily to each other. He could hear small bursts of laughter coming through the branches from the stairway beneath. Lady Galadriel had walked by him some time ago, smiling warmly at him and wishing him sweet dreams, but he noticed her husband did not go with her.  
Haldir was feeling slightly tired, after standing on his post by the door throughout the long hours the party had lasted. Many times his eyes had drifted to his lord at the end of the table, sitting next to the Lady, looking somewhat lost in thoughts as if he was not enjoying himself as much as the others. He felt a deep affection towards his lord, perhaps more than for the lady, knowing that she often chose to spend her nights away from their talan, and worrying that his lord might have a heavy heart because of that.  
He looked out through the branches, to the full moon shining brightly above him, and enjoying the cool breeze caressing his face, causing his hair to fly around his head. Being lost in thought, he gave a start when someone suddenly spoke to him. His heart jumped a little seeing Celeborn standing there, his silvery hair shining in the moonlight.  
"Yes, certainly, my lord. It will be a pleasure to walk with you."  
  
Brushing a free strand of hair back from his face where the wind had knocked it from it's original place, Celeborn gave him a smile. "Then come my friend." He replied, hand coming up to rest lightly on Haldir's shoulder for a moment, giving it a squeeze before letting it fall away. Celeborn's eyes watched Haldir for a couple of seconds, turning to walk away from him then, striding slowly but purposefully away from the hall and down towards the forest floor. There was something to be said for the view from that place but right now he wanted nothing more to do with it, wanted to be free of it. He wished he could stop and remove the robes of state, to replace them with something more comfortable, but he did not. Long since become accustom to wearing them, and moving about in them, they did not hinder him as they had once. Keen ears listened for the almost silent movement of Haldir with him, though he wanted nothing more then to turn and gaze at him, to look into those eyes and see his emotions mirrored in their depths, he did not.   
  
Feeling Celeborn's unexpected touch upon his shoulder gave him a warm feeling inside. Often had he dreamed of a touch of his hand, or of the silvery hair that shone like a halo in the moonlight - but never dared to think further. Haldir met his lord's sky blue gaze for a moment, then modestly turning his eyes to the ground, turning to follow him down the stairs. They descended slowly, and Haldir enjoyed the sight of the high, stately shape before him, watching the muscles in his shoulders and back move through the thick fabric of his robe. Wanting to savour this sight, he wished the stairs would go on forever, but too soon they reached the forest floor.  
Feeling the soft springy ground of the forest beneath his feet, Celeborn smiled to himself listening to the song of the stars and the life around him. Mingled with the music of the elves dancing off somewhere else in the forest. Celeborn absently wondered what it would be like to dance with the silent shadow behind him, if he could even be coaxed to dance with him as it were so. But he decided despite the slight haze of the wine that tonight was not the night to test that out, that it was too soon for that--no matter how much he might wish it. Instead picking another path that which lead away from the more inhabited parts of Lothlorien, into the wilder areas closer to the border. He did not intend to go that far however, the times were not as peaceful as they had once been. Celeborn would have liked to look outside the forest to visit that which had once been open to his people like the forest. Times were darker now, and though he wanted to he knew it was not wise to without at least more than the two of them--not to say that he did not trust Haldir's skills or his own.   
  
They walked for a few minutes before coming to a stop near one of the smaller pools; fed by the rivulets. Celeborn watched the silver moon light play off the dark water, glancing over his shoulder to find Haldir still there with him. "How have you been?" Celeborn asked quietly, though he already knew much, "We have not had the time to talk much of late."  
  
Silently, Haldir had followed a couple of steps behind his lord, wondering where he would like him to follow on this beautiful night. Seeing that they were headed out in the wood, he automatically raised a hand behind his back to check that the quiver was full and his bow in place, while his other hand for a moment rested at the top of the large, curved sword at his side. The moonlight shimmered through the moving leaves down on their path, glimmering in Celeborn's hair, shiny and heavy, falling like a cascade of light around his shoulders. Stopping by the small pool, Haldir turned to face Celeborn as he spoke to him, unsure why he had led them to this place.  
"No we have not, and I regret that, my lord, but I have been on duty most of the time. We have had to reinforce the guard due to the increased activity of the orcs, and as we are still somewhat short of guards, the more experienced of us take double watches."  
  
Celeborn nodded, knowing this already though he did not like the idea of anyone taking on more then their fair share leaving them weary should something happen. He also knew that it was necessary the way things had been of late with their ranks wearing thin. Eyes strayed back to the water as he walked forward a couple of feet kneeling to dip his fingers into the water, watching the ripples as they spread out in rings from the touch. "We must be more careful now than ever, we can not afford to leave anyone else." He commented quietly almost more to himself then to Haldir. "But I fear that darker times are coming, that in the future we will face some much more menacing then we already have... Something worse than orcs."   
  
Celeborn would not speak the name of what he feared and had long suspected of moving, only Galadriel and Elrond knew of his fears, for they were fears that they had all shared in the last years. But more so as time passed. For a few moments the blackness in the water held his gaze, as if trying to pull him into the depths to loose him there and never let him go. Finally pulling away Celeborn stood up, water dripping from his fingers, he glanced back at Haldir once more with a little smile--this time openly letting his eyes rest on him watching for a reaction. "But what think you Haldir?"  
  
Haldir held his eyes firmly, without hesitation, but did not move from where he stood, watching the tall elf kneel by the water. "There have not been so many orcs in these woods for hundreds of years, and they are all moving southwards. I feel there is a deep evil causing this, but I do not know what. We have been trying to enlist as many new guards as we can, but we are still not able to stop them. Just last night a party of two hundred crossed the Nimrodel. Fortunately they held a course that led them away from our homes. I am afraid that soon it will be unsafe to move outside the city gates at all. Do you know more of this, my lord?"  
  
"Perhaps I do..." Celeborn admitted quietly glancing away from him of his own will after letting his gaze travel slowly along Haldir's body taking in the beauty of his form. A beauty he would have noticed even if his feelings and attracts had run no deeper then friendship. "There is naught that we can do against this except hold them from our shores if at all possible." He added this time his gaze serious. He trusted Haldir more then he trusted any other, but even in this matter he could not yet trust any other then the few who knew of it already. Despite Haldir's own intuition, or how right it might be. Celeborn's voice was quiet, when he spoke again. "Be careful Haldir, I would not have something happen to you out there in the dark." He said no more than that, letting Haldir take it as he would.   
  
Celeborn would not forbid him from fighting, he would not keep him here by his side even though that was often where he was anyway. For he knew that the fighting spirit was not something to be shielded and kept hidden, it would only drive Haldir farther away from him when he wished only to pull him closer. Closing the distance between them both hands now coming to rest on his shoulders. "Do not think that I do not trust you, this is not a matter that should be spoke of lightly, nor even here in this sacred place."   
  
"Then I will speak no more of it", Haldir replied, "but you can rest assured that I will always be prepared and ready to defend our homes and you, my lord."  
He stood unmoving, feeling Celeborn's eyes on him, feeling his sweet, warm breath upon his face as his lord placed his hands on his shoulders. Haldir had never been so close to Celeborn before, he could almost feel the touch of his robes moving around him, and the warmth of his hands sent a shiver down his spine. For hundreds of years he had guarded his lord, always watching him, admiring his beautiful form and his gentle ways, growing more and more fond of him. He had watched as he and his lady seemed to drift apart, and his heart had been bleeding for his lord each time he had happened to catch a glimpse of the hurt in his eyes, before it was shielded again. Often had he felt a desire to touch him, to stroke his hair and to comfort him, to ease the pain when he felt his lord was troubled, but he had kept these thoughts deeply hidden. Having Celeborn now standing so close to him, made him both confused and unsure. He cast his eyes to the ground, afraid that his lord would see through his shell and glimpse the feelings hidden inside.  
  
"I know you will Haldir." Celeborn's voice was quiet and he stayed where he was for a little bit longer, for the briefest moment letting something else show in his eyes, fingers coming to brush against Haldir's cheek before he turned away. "You have long been by my side, I thank you for that. Oft I know not what I would do without you." The admission was made softly, perhaps too softly to hear--or perhaps not. For a moment he was tempted--oh so tempted--to suggest a midnight swim in the pool before them, with a chance to glimpse more of that perfect body hidden beneath the robes that he wore. But he did not, uncertain how Haldir would take that or if he would be willing to in the first place, yet even as he pushed the thought away the water and the moonlight seemed to call to him.   
Then a better idea presented its self to him, and he turned from this pool back towards the forest knowing Haldir would follow him out of duty or his own free will, either was alright with him--though he would have preferred the later of course. The hot springs were not far from here, perhaps there.  
  
When Haldir felt the brush of fingers on his cheeks he lifted his eyes again, surprised. What he thought he saw in Celeborn's eyes made his own midnight blue eyes widen - but the next moment it was gone, and Haldir was not sure he had seen anything at all. As his lord turned away from him, he thought he heard a whisper - "I do not know what I would do without you".   
Closing his eyes with emotion for a brief moment, and lifting his hand to touch where the precious fingers had touched him, still feeling the tingle on the skin, Haldir whispered to himself, barely audible through the wind in the leaves: "...and I do not know what I would do without you...."  
  
Confused by the attention Celeborn was giving him this night, Haldir was afraid that the shield he had build up around him to conceal his feelings for his lord, would crack. He had long ago realized that this was something his lord should never know; Haldir would be content just being around him, guarding him, giving his life for him. Having smelled the wine upon his breath, he knew that this explained the change in behaviour. Tomorrow it would all be forgotten, and it was stupid of him to believe anything else, he chided himself. But still, he cherished the unexpected attention, saving it close to his heart.   
When they arrived at the pool in the clearing, Haldir had believed that perhaps Celeborn wanted to have a bath, and had silently hoped for it, to have a chance to see his body without the layers of clothing. Therefore, he felt slightly disappointed when Celeborn left the clearing and started walking deeper into the woods. It was not until he felt the distinct smell of sulphur that he remembered the old bathing place with the hot springs, and the hope rose in him again.   
  
Celeborn had said nothing as they made their way through the forest, simply enjoying the quiet peace after the non-stop day that had passed. And the unintrusive company of Haldir, for the moment nothing more then a shadow behind him, but for the moment that presence was enough. Though his ears had picked up Haldir's last comment, he decided that now was not the time to bring it up in more detail--he would have liked nothing better then to do so if he had thought it would lead to anything. //Perhaps there is hope, even if he is not yet ready for it...//   
But there was hope of perhaps something more always there in the back of his mind, and right now the thought of perhaps convincing him to join him in the hot springs was almost too tantalizingly close. He paused for a moment watching the steam that rose from the water, the gentle breeze that wafted it towards them. The wine had started to wear off a little as it did with the elven system, the effects did not last as long as they did among humans unless quite a bit more was consumed. As a result he almost did not say what he said next, the rational part of his mind warning against it. "Bath with me Haldir?" He asked softly turning fully to watch the pale haired warrior behind him. "The day has been long for both of us, I do not doubt that a soaking in the hot pools would do both of us good."   
  
Haldir hesitated for a moment. His lord was right, a bath would have been a good idea. During the long hours of the party, as he stood on his post by the door, he had been longing for a long, lonely moonlit bath to soothe tired muscles. But a bath with Celeborn - that was entirely different - although he could not deny the hot springs were tempting...   
After looking around the quiet surroundings and listening to the soft forest sounds, he felt assured that there was no danger nearby. Slowly he nodded to Celeborn. "You are right, my lord. The water is said to have a slightly healing effect, and it will work wonders on a tired body. I cannot deny I have longed for a bath after this long day, but I will do that later. We are far from the city. I will guard you while you have your bath, my lord, so you will be safe."  
  
His answer did not surprise Celeborn, he had been expecting such an answer, and was quite ready with an answer for it. There was a hint of laughter wafting from somewhere off in the forest. "Leave your weapons and come, Haldir, we are quite safe here. Despite our distance from the city all incursions have been on the other side, we have the city between us and them should anything happen. There are other sentries around we will have fair warning." He reached over to take Haldir's hand and pull him towards the water. "Come and relax while we still can, there may not be many such times in the future. Please." Celeborn added the last word almost without realizing it, a hint of a smile playing across his face as he met Haldir's gaze easily. "Come."  
  
At last, Haldir smiled a little, softening his somewhat stern looks. "Very well, my lord, I will do as you ask of me, and lay down my weapons." In a smooth motion he loosened the bow, unstrapped the quiver and scabbard, and put them down on the ground near the water, where he could easily reach them in a hurry. Then he straightened his back, watching Celeborn expectantly  
  
A smile graced Celeborn's features as Haldir agreed to bathe with him. Purposefully finding a place to sit Celeborn removed his boots so that he could remove the rest of his clothes. More than happy to shed the outer robes which were soon followed by the rest of his cloths, till only his breeches were left. Eyes strayed over to where Haldir was standing and then away again just as quickly, pushing thoughts of other things from his mind. Celeborn slid out of the rest of his clothes carefully folding them into a pile, placing it on one of the rocks around the pool. Refusing to let himself look back and Haldir yet, he stepped into the shallows of the pool enjoying the warm water on in skin.  
  
Haldir stood still, watching his lord undress, admiring the perfect body, shimmering pearly white in the moonlight. When Celeborn gave him a quick glance before removing his breeches, his breath caught a little, and when he finally stood there, the whole body revealed beneath the moon, he involuntarily held his breath. His lord was so beautiful, slender and lithe, moving with the grace of a cat, and with the silvery hair shining like a halo around him, he looked almost celestial. Coming to his senses when Celeborn stepped into the pool, he finally let his breath out. With nimble hands he quickly removed his grey outer tunic, the black inner tunic and his boots. Folding them neatly and placing them next to his weapons, he then started loosening his breeches. Embarrassed he discovered he had a little problem, and turned partly away from the pool into the shadows, while pinching himself viciously inside his palms. The pain quickly helped, and he removed his breeches swiftly and placed them with the rest of his equipment. Then he quickly stepped into the pool and sat down to let the water cover his body up to his chest, not daring to look at Celeborn.   
  
Having already taken a seat, Celeborn had watched Haldir discreetly out of the corner of his eye. //Could you be embarrassed around me?// He wondered absently a teasing little smile playing across his face as the thought of that. //Or perhaps it was something else.// Celeborn liked that thought even more, and he was rather glad of the darkness and the covering of water himself. The brief glimpses of Haldir's perfect body were enough to make him hard, though he was good at hiding it. Like he was good at hiding many other things, it was a skill that had been developed over many years it had served him well as of late. //Beautiful Haldir...// With a soft sigh Celeborn averted his gaze moving from the sitting spot he had chosen to slide beneath the warm waters for a few moments. Letting the warm quiet water close in over him, holding his breath for quite some time before coming back up, standing there for a minute the water just covering himself as he brushed wet hair back out of his face.   
He waded over to sit down next to Haldir, leaning back against one of the warm slightly slippery rocks. "So come tell me, has there been no one in your life of late?" Celeborn asked genuinely curious--not just for his own sake. He had not seen Haldir with another often and even then it had not seemed to last long, if indeed it had ever been anything more then friendship. In part that made him glad, yet it also made him sad to think of Haldir always alone after all the years that had passed. "A lover perhaps?"   
  
Haldir stealthily watched Celeborn dive under the surface, and then emerge with the water running down his body, and felt his problem coming back with a vengeance. He was grateful for the darkness making the water opaque, but as he saw his lord approaching, he hastily slid completely beneath the water for a moment, soaking his hair, before emerging, hoping the hot water on his face would explain his slightly flushed appearance. Relaxing little by little, his breath returning to normal, he leaned back against a large rock, looking Celeborn in the eyes.  
  
"I do not have much time for such acquaintances, my lord. I spend most of my time in the forest guarding our borders, and in every fight I run the risk of being killed. I would not that someone should be alone most of the time, fearing for me every time I was on duty. That is no life to offer a lover." He sighed softly, turning away from Celeborn for a moment, looking out in the wood, pensive. "I tried, once. It did not work. I do not want to bring another the same pain again. It is better I am alone." He lowered his gaze to the water, playing with the wet strands of his hair, splashing gently with his fingers.   
  
Celeborn was quiet for a time, understanding what he was saying at the same time. "Is there none who would accept that? If they were willing to live with that risk, would you be able to accept that?" He asked quietly after a few moments, reaching over to brush Haldir's wet hair back from his face tucking the strands gentle behind one perfectly tapered ear. "It is not right for any to be alone all the time no matter what life they lead." A gentle breeze wafted across the pool as Celeborn forced himself to pull his hand away, letting his gaze watch the ripple of the moon light across the surface of the pool. At least where it was visible as the steam changed sometimes heavier in one area or in another.  
  
Haldir shivered slightly at the touch of Celeborn's hand, and the breath caught in his throat. His ears were extremely sensible, and he was already painfully aware of his lord's body next to him, so the light touch sent warm pangs throughout his body. He drew his knees up towards his chest, to hide the evident proof of his distraction, being grateful for the steam on the water surface. "I do not know, my lord", he replied slowly, forcing himself to concentrate on what Celeborn was saying. "I do not know anybody that would accept that, and I have not been trying to find somebody who would."  
  
"And if you did find someone?" Celeborn persisted, reaching down to find a smooth round stone from the bottom of the pool, rubbing his thumb across the surface of it. Letting it rest in his palm he brought it up, looking at it in the moon light watching the way the surface gleamed still wet with water. "Would you be willing to give them a chance?" He was tempted to let the stone fall back to the bottom, but he didn't; closing his fingers around it instead.  
  
Haldir looked at Celeborn somewhat puzzled, not understanding what he was aiming at. "I guess so", he said at last, folding his arms around his knees, resting his chin on top of them. "It gets lonely sometimes. But I do not know anybody who would be interested in me." Turning his head towards Celeborn again, he looked deep into the sky blue eyes for a moment, trying to read what his lord was thinking, unsuccessful he turned his eyes away again.  
  
"Perhaps you will find someone, I would not give up hope if I were you." Celeborn replied quietly, giving him a little smile. "There is always someone out there who is willing to take the risk, you simply have to wait for them to find you, or you to find them." He would have liked nothing better right then, than to admit to being that person himself to ask Haldir if he would accept him. But he could not yet bring himself to do so, still uncertain as to what Haldir's response would be. Celeborn wished he had thought to ask more about this lover Haldir had mentioned, wondering if it had been a female or a male, some of his problems would have been or could have been answered right then and there. Yet he did not feel comfortable bringing it back up again no matter how much he wished to know.  
  
By Celeborn's words, Haldir's eyes inadvertently turned to his lord's face again, and for a second his carefully guarded defense was gone, and his look was one of pure longing, open to his soul. Then a soft sound came from the forest, like that of a small animal moving in the shadows, Haldir shifted and the moment was gone, his defenses back again. With a heavy sigh he turned in the direction of the sound, flushed. "Perhaps there could be somebody", he finally said, with another heavy sigh, "but I cannot wish for what I cannot have". Filling his hands with water, he washed his face and stroke his hair back from his forehead, before turning his eyes to the wood again.  
  
Celeborn sighed as he watched the mask go back up across Haldir's features, silently cursing whatever it was that had broken their moment. Though he had not missed the look that had been on those features, one that pulled at his heart even more. It made him want to gather Haldir close to make sure that such a sad look never touched him so deeply. //Perhaps that someone is closer then you think.// He thought, knowing it was not the time for such things to be said yet. "You dismiss the possibility so easily." Celeborn commented softly. "Is there none you would have by your side?"  
  
Haldir sighed again, not looking at Celeborn. "Perhaps there is one," he admitted slowly, "but it is not possible. That person is not free, and does not know my feelings". Blowing at the steam on the water, causing it to flutter away, he turned to the elf beside him and asked silently: "Why do you ask all this, my lord?"  
  
He did not answer that question for a few moments, and when he did it was not exactly and answer. "Can I not worry about your well being?" He asked leaning back against the rock as he stared up at the leafy canopy above them. "There is more to being well then simply physical well being." Celeborn sighed softly. "Forgive me if I have asked too much, you may do the same of me if you wish, ask what you like and as I can I will answer."  
  
I do not have that many questions," Haldir started with another heavy sigh. Celeborn's questions had reminded him of the impossible situation, and his heart grew heavy. "But I wonder why you ask about my lack of a life partner. You have never talked about such things before. Have I not always done my duty to your liking? Why do you suddenly want me to find someone? Will I perform my duty better if I had a partner?" He looked at Celeborn with a sad, pained expression in his face, his voice catching slightly: "I can never have the one I want, therefore I will never have anybody at all. If you want me to resign because of that, I will." He turned away, placing his elbows on his knees, and resting his face in his hands.  
  
"Have you nothing that you would ask other than that?" Celeborn laughed softly--thought not in a mean way--reaching over to gently lift Haldir's face from his hands shaking his head slightly. "Ne, dear Haldir that is not why I ask, I do not doubt your ability to perform your job nor do I question you in any way when it comes to what you do and who you are. You have never failed me in any way and I do not see how you ever could... I simply worry for your own well being..." He said quietly but earnestly his hand coming to rest on Haldir's shoulder, holding his gaze. "I do not like to see you alone all the time, yet if you say that it will always be so it saddens me to think of you thus.." He hesitated for the barest of moments. "Might you tell me who it is you long for?" He asked softly, uncertain what response he hoped for in response to that question.   
  
"I cannot tell you that, my lord. It.. is impossible". Haldir shook his head slowly. "I do not like to think of it, it saddens me because it can never be." Another sigh. "I am content to be your guard, if you are still content with me. That is enough for me."   
  
Celeborn studied Haldir his thumb moving gently back and forth across the soft skin of his cheek. "I would never be happy with another by my side." He commented softly knowing the dual meanings in that statement, though he wasn't sure that Haldir would see them. He wished that Haldir had told him, and yet the fact that he had not gave him some hope that perhaps it was not another. "Often choices that we believe are not possible have a strange way of revealing themselves." He commented quietly.  
  
Haldir felt tired and sad, and feeling Celeborn stroking his cheek was a touch he had been longing for as long as he could remember. Sighing again, he inadvertently leaned into the touch, closing his eyes.  
  
A gentle look came across Celeborn's face as he felt Haldir lean into the touch, he almost leaned forward and kissed him right then and there, capturing those perfect lips with his own. Something in him stopped him, but somehow it gave him hope that perhaps things might work out after all. They sat there for a time before he reluctantly pulled away, hand sliding down through the water to rest on Haldir's knee. Celeborn let it stay there leaning back against the rock once more letting the silence hang--companionably--between them.  
  
Haldir slowly opened his eyes again. The touches from his lord were almost more than he could bear; it made him yearn for more. He wished no more than to slide into his arms and snuggle his face close against that perfect ebony chest, and just be held tightly. Although his lord's caresses made his heart beat faster and faster, they were probably just out of pity for his sad state. Yes, that was it. Celeborn felt pity with him. It did not mean any more that that. That thought made him sad again, and he turned his gaze towards the one sitting beside him. Seeing that Celeborn was not looking at him at the moment, he let his mask slip, and regarded him longingly.  
  
"Do not loose hope." Celeborn commented softly eyes sliding close for a few moments. He spoke to Haldir though he did not look over at him. "Perhaps that which you long for is not as far away as you might think." His fingers moved lightly along the inside of Haldir's thigh, before vanishing. Celeborn sighed softly eyes opening, he turned to look over at Haldir expression rather tired. Somehow everything seemed to be wearing thin of late, and sometimes his eyes showed it more then he liked whether he realized it or not.   
  
  
  
  
Celeborn's touch on his thigh made his whole body tingle, and Haldir took a deep breath to regain control over his pulse. He did not know how much longer he could take being so close to his lord, with nothing but water between their bare bodies....  
But when meeting Celeborn's gaze, his looks softened with concern. His lord looked tired and weary. //Stupid me// he chided himself, //being so absorbed in my own petty troubles - not being perceptive to my lord// "My lord," he said, concerned, "you look troubled. Is there anything I can do for you to help you ease your mind? Would you like to tell me of your worries?"  
  
Looking away Celeborn smiled tiredly. "There is much trouble in these days, and more to come in the days head. I fear." Celeborn replied quietly touched by the concern evident on Haldir's face. He did not miss the fact that despite the cool of their love, he missed having Galadriel in his bed, not so much for her love as for her simple presence. There are always times when one longs for a companion, of any kind. Then there was also the fact that he had long kept hidden his love for the elf sitting beside him, even now when he longed to tell, he could not yet let himself do so. Of that he could not speak--yet. Celeborn still held hope that perhaps in the future there would be a time when he could, and if it were never to happen... He pushed that thought from his mind. "The days are dark for our people Haldir, and our time will too soon come to an end, it saddens me."  
  
"I know", Haldir said quietly. "With this deep evil growing stronger, more and more of our people are leaving. This is not a new thing, however, it has come gradually, and we have known of it for a long time. Nevertheless I have seen you look more and more heavy of heart as of late. Might there be other worries that troubles you as well, my lord?" Haldir turned a little where he sat, so he could face Celeborn directly, and looked him straight in the eyes with a gentle look on his face.  
  
Oh that look, tempted him so deeply to simply speak to Haldir, to tell him the truth of his worries from start to finish and to leave nothing out. But he still could not let himself do so, though his control slipped a little as he gazed into Haldir's eyes. "Aye perhaps there is more, it saddens me to think that the love even such as I shared with Galadriel can cool almost as if it never were. We still see each other, but there is nothing between us but a caring for the other. She is more often gone from my bed, it seems, with an abundance of lovers who would have her yet..." He didn't finish the sentence, looking away from Haldir with a soft sigh. "Ah.. tis not something I fear I should have spoken of." Celeborn whispered, taking the next few moments to build up his own walls again free of the gaze of Haldir. //To think that a simple look could do such to me.// He thought, wondering if it had ever been so with Galadriel.  
  
The look on Celeborn's face almost broke Haldir's heart. //Now I have increased his pain by asking this.... oh to be able to take him in my arms and comfort him.// His heart bled when he heard the other admit what he had already understood - that his lady had forsaken his lord for the arms of others. Seeing Celeborn struggling to stay in control, Haldir could not help himself - he knew he should not, being a simple guard who should know his place - but he reached out a hand and placed it comforting on Celeborn's shoulder. "Be not afraid of what you have told me, my lord. I have seen it for myself - whenever I am guarding your home, she leaves, and does not come back until morning. I have been deeply concerned for you, my lord."  
  
For a moment he stayed where he was before looking up, once more catching Haldir's gaze. "Tis her right for we both decided so, and yet sometimes I wish she would stay for at least a little while." He smiled a little bit hand coming up to cover Haldir's. "I thank you for your concern." Celeborn replied softly, //It touches me more then you know.// But he did not say the last part aloud.  
  
"I am sorry for speaking too freely, my lord. It really is not my place to speak of the relationship between you and my Lady. It is just that I ... I do not want to see you hurt, my lord..." Haldir looked down, blushing and ashamed for being so blunt, starting to pull his hand away.  
  
Celeborn clasped his hand gently around Haldir's not letting it go when he started to pull away, keeping it there. A hand reached up to touch Haldir's cheek gently. "Think nothing of it, I would like to think of you as a friend as well, Haldir." Celeborn said quietly. "And of such things friends should be able to speak more freely." He was quiet for a few moments. "And it was not merely her choice but my own as well."  
  
Haldir raised his eyes again, enjoying the touch on his cheek, but confused about this new friendliness in Celeborn. //What does he mean that it is also his choice that his lady stays away?// He looked for a long moment into his lord's eyes, reading the pain that was still there, uncomprehending. In the end he spoke: " If it is also your choice that it should be this way with your lady, why are you still in pain?"  
  
A sad little smile played across his face. "Perhaps because it is not so easily to let go of someone after spending many years with them. I can remember a time when we were everything to each other, and to look at what we are now - it saddens me even though I know it is for the better. I would not hold her down while she would be with another just as she would not do so with me. Yet there are times when I wish we could simply go back to what it was, because it is easier." Celeborn was silent for a moment watching the confusion on Haldir's face. "And because I, like you, am alone." He added quietly.  
  
Celeborn's words touched Haldir deeply. Yet there was something there, something he did not quite say - the meaning of it eluded him at first - then he seemed to grasp what his lord was not saying. //There is somebody else for him// The truth of it struck him like a thunderbolt - and it hurt deeply. He could hardly look at Celeborn, afraid of what he would hear if he dared to ask - but he had to. "There is somebody else you want to be with," he whispered flatly, looking away.  
  
He caught the note in Haldir's voice, it was almost enough as he gently raised Haldir's chin. "I do not yet know if it is possible." He said softly. "Perhaps, yet I fear that the one I want could not possibly feel the same for me." Celeborn sighed. "So you see perhaps I understand more of what you are feeling then you realize."   
//I would have you, even with the life you lead Haldir, if I said that would you accept me? Would you have me?// Celeborn thought studying Haldir's features. //Or is it truly another that your heart longs after as my heart longs after you?//   
  
//So he truly does want another// The truth was crushing him, and Haldir tried to turn his head away, though his chin was still held by Celeborn. "I understand, my lord. Then you are truly in pain." The last words were merely whispers.   
  
For the first time in a long time words deserted Celeborn and he knew not what to say in response. He knew full well exactly what was going through Haldir's mind right then, yet he could not quite bring himself to tell him the truth. Celeborn sighed letting his hand fall to Haldir's shoulder now. "No more than you." He said finally, this time the first to look away. "Perhaps things will unravel themselves in ways that neither you nor I expect them to." //I pray that in the end they will finish where we both need them to finish.// He thought, hand tightening over Haldir's for a brief moment before reluctantly letting it go.  
  
Haldir could not take this anymore. Celeborn wished for another, just as much as Haldir wished for his lord. The sweet caresses he had bestowed upon Haldir during their conversation, were merely given out of pity for him, understanding his situation. He could no longer sit next to the person he wanted more than anybody in this world, knowing that he had cast his eyes upon a new love. His heart was breaking. All he wanted, was to get back to his own talan and be alone.   
Abruptly, he stood up in the water and brushed the drops off his body, before moving to the edge of the pool. "I am very tired, my lord. I regret to have to leave, but I am on duty tomorrow, and need to rest." His voice was slightly trembling, but he did not notice.  
  
"Aye, tomorrow will come all to soon." Celeborn admitted softly, noting the slight tremble of Haldir's voice. Raising and following him, Celeborn was quiet when he spoke, only taking the time to replace the lightest of his cloths. Draping the other across his arm, so that he could carry them back with him. "Sleep well my friend." Celeborn commented quietly, turning Haldir to face him he did not think before he pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Pulling away almost just as quickly as he had started it Celeborn turned to walk away without looking back. He knew if he looked back he would not be able to stop himself from going back as well, just as he had had to stop the kiss before he did more. //Sweet Haldir..//   
  
Haldir had gone straight to his clothes without looking at Celeborn, and had just finished dressing when Celeborn suddenly had turned him around and kissed him. It stunned him completely. He was not able to speak or move, just stood there with his mouth open, utterly bewildered, staring after his lord disappearing between the trees. After quite some time he drew a shaking breath, and lifted his hand to softly trace his finger along his lips where his lord had kissed him, his eyes slowly filling with liquid silver, spilling down his cheeks.  
  
The rooms were of course empty when he returned to them, he had expected nothing less. Though somehow they felt much more so after spending the last bit of evening with Haldir, made him long for another's company even more. Particularly that of a certain blond haired elf. Tossing the robes down in the corner, Celeborn sighed slowly running a hand across his face and back through his hair. He could still feel Haldir's lips against his own, the gentle pressure of his hand on his shoulder, the warmth of his skin beneath his own fingertips so tantalizingly close and far away. The sad look that had been in his eyes still cut deep as he remembered it, wanting nothing more than to vanquish it from sight before. //Smile Haldir, I wish only to see your smile, even if that which you seek is another, as long as you are happy...//  
  
Celeborn took a slow shaky breath of his own, sitting down before the mirror he began to brush the knots from his hair trying not to think of what had happened. Yet how could he not think of it when every little detail was still burned so clearly in his memory--the memory of an elf both a blessing and curse. Still he would not choose to forget anything that had happened even if he could, Celeborn remembered the gentle longing that had been so evident on Haldir's face, it brought his walls crumbling down even now. He clutched the brush tight slowly forcing himself to set it down with control instead of simply dropping it to the floor. It made him wonder now, how he had kept from doing as his heart longed to when faced with Haldir, if the memory of it could still have so much control over him. "Sweet Haldir, what I would not do for you..." He whispered to the silent empty room. "For it was you who replaced my lady in my heart though you have yet to realize it."  
  
Haldir had finally collected himself enough to gather up his weapons and stealthily, silently slip through the wood and up to his simple talan, in the outskirts of the city. He had tried to shut out every thought in his brain, to be able to go to bed and fall asleep, but to no avail. As he lay on his bed, tossing and turning, he could not stop thinking about what had happened earlier that night. Over and over again he replayed every conversation in his mind, analyzing every word from Celeborn, every expression on his face, every touch. Every time he ended up with the kiss, feeling Celeborn closing in, pressing his soft lips to his own - reliving it over and over and over.   
  
He had though it was so simple - Celeborn pitying him because he was in the same situation himself - but the kiss.... the kiss did not feel like pity. Why had he kissed him? Thinking about the other caresses - quite unlike Celeborn - he had thought it was the wine, but the effects of wine did not last that long - not long enough to explain the kiss. What could this mean - could the caresses mean something else than pity? Could they mean affection.... or.... maybe.....   
The kiss.... the soft lips..... They were still replaying in his brain when he finally fell asleep, totally exhausted.  
  
Celeborn slept naught that night, though he lay in the bed for a time before raising knowing it was useless. He was tired, but sleep would not come and he was not foolish enough to stay and wait for it. There was little enough time left of the night, the big empty room with memories of Haldir still playing through his mind--enough to drive one mad if they let it. So he left the silent rooms behind, making his way along the quiet paths of the forest, letting the calm there seep into his soul. For the time escaping that which had long since haunted him. Though he did not go far from the city in the trees knowing full well the danger--yet he was not worried about it. Where something to happen the forest would warn him of it, and it was not as if there was no place to hide.   
And so the night passed them by, all too soon morning was beginning to dawn upon the forest once more. 


	2. Part 2 A fatefull happening

Part two - A fateful happening  
  
Two days had passed since the night at the hot springs. Haldir had been on duty almost continually after that, both because it was necessary with large bands of orcs pouring in across their borders, but also of his own choice. He needed time to think about what had happened that night, and the simple life in the forest gave him time to sort his mind out. Still, he could think of nothing else. His brothers, who often shared his watches with him, had tried to make him tell them what was on his mind, but he had been distant and reluctant. Due to the rotation of the guards, he and his brothers had been stationed at separate posts this morning, and for once he was glad, meaning he could have peace to sort out his feelings.  
  
First, he had chided himself for having become too emotional, Haldir feared that he had almost let Celeborn know how he felt, and he had deeply regretted his rash actions. Then, he had started analyzing the things Celeborn had said to him, things he had not quite grasped in the heat of the moment, being so absorbed in his own misery, brought about by Celeborn's insistent questions about his lack of partner. But slowly he remembered that his lord had hinted several times that a possible lover could be nearer than he thought - and also that he felt alone. And then, there were the touches and caresses, something Celeborn had never done to him before, and ... the kiss.  
  
Could this mean that perhaps... no, he dared almost not to think that thought, but still .... Could this mean that perhaps Celeborn could be attracted to him? To Haldir? No, it could not be, he was a lowly guard, he could not even allow himself to believe that his lord would look at him that way ..... but he could not get that thought out of his mind, and it grew ever stronger.   
  
Having come this far in his chain of thoughts, Haldir felt that he needed some acknowledgement that it could really be so. He needed to see Celeborn again, to just look into his eyes and find the answer to whether this was a figment of his imagination, or if it really could be true. So when his captain this morning needed a person to go to the lord's talan to pick up the new set of orders from the seneschal's office, Haldir had volunteered. As he ascended the long stairways to the large talan, his heart started beating faster and faster, and his palms became damp with anticipation. He quickly collected the pack of parchment from the seneschal, and chose the path that lead past the reception hall, hoping to get a glimpse of his lord. The hall was empty, and his heart fell in disappointment, but then he heard voices emerging from the library next door. Anxious just to catch a glimpse of his lord, he approached the open door.  
  
It had been only the night before when Celeborn had heard word of Tinendel's return to the woods of Lothlorien and for a time his heart was lighter then it had been in many days. The thought of seeing his old friend, a friend from childhood was indeed a good one, one that was able to alleviate a bit of the darkness that had seemed to hang about him of late. He smiled, able to sleep that night unplagued by dreams of blacker things, a sleep which was much needed. Though still Celeborn rose early that morning, pushing back the sheets he bathed and dressed.   
  
Having a light breakfast brought to him in the gardens below, enjoying the song of the birds in the trees and the warm sun light on his skin. Celeborn was lost in thought when a cheerful voice brought him out of it, calling his name. Looking up a smile spread across his face in response as he caught sight of the lean dark haired figure moving towards. Tinendel had never known how to do things slow, or properly that was for sure. Even when they were children he had always been more rash than the others, jumping when everyone else thought about it. Now as he bounded through the forest unconcerned with the looks he got, he showed the same spirit he had as a child. It was that spirit that had called him away from the forest when Celeborn would have much rather had him stay, though he knew he could not ask it of him, even though Tinendel would have if he had. The same was with asking Haldir not to go to guard the borders for fear that he might be hurt, it was who and what he was. Fighting was what he did, travel and adventure was what Tinendel had always lived for, it was that need and the slowness of life in the forest that had drawn him away.   
  
Now Celeborn hoped that perhaps he might stay seeing as things were no longer so quiet or safe in the Golden Wood. Raising from his seat he moved towards his friend, caught up in a warm embrace before any words could be exchanged. He was not overly surprised when Tinendel did not stop with the hug, but caught his lips up in a warm kiss. Indeed he returned it with his own measure of feeling, they had always been close, indeed at one point they had been lovers though each had gone their own way, there was still a good measure of love between them. It was not what it had once been true, but close friends they had remained and would probably always be so unless something drastic happened to change that.   
  
After a prolonged moment the kiss ended, though the two stayed in a warm embrace for a few moments longer before Celeborn pulled away. "Come eat with me Tinendel, tell me of your journey." He said smiling. "I have long missed your company, pray tell me everything."   
  
Tinendel laughed--a glorious sound in the early morning air, clear and ringing--looping an arm around Celeborn's shoulders as they made their way back to the table. Celeborn however decided that perhaps it was better to take the conversation inside, knowing that some times of which they would undoubtedly speak should not be widely known. Not that he feared overly much someone eavesdropping but sometimes one could not help but hear what was said. So the two of them made their way companionably silent into the talan, to the library. "Were I to tell you of everything that has happened my friend, I fear we would be here till even we are old."   
"And some would consider us old already." Celeborn pointed out with a chuckle pouring another cup of tea for his friend. "But enough, then tell me some of what has happened since we last spoke? It is good to see that you have not lost your smile along the way."   
"Aye but I see that yours has faded, since then." Tinendel pointed out taking a sip of the luke warm liquid. "In truth there is little to tell, except of fighting and such. I traveled far and saw much but most of it is not worth telling except for the love of one lad..." For a moment his eyes were dark, rather sad. "But I was foolish there."   
  
Celeborn reached over to lift Tinendel's eyes to his own. "Tell me of him." He prompted gently.   
"Ne I will not speak of such matters, tis a happy occasion." Tinendel's smile returned in full force. "Speak to me of yourself, what has happened in the wood since I left? For I return and I find the tidings are darker at least that which I was told at the border, what of the Lady?"   
"Another warms her bed now." Celeborn replied rather bluntly.   
  
There was a moment of pause and slowly Tinendel nodded his head. "And what of you, have you found another? Or do you still long after the one you will not speak to? Is that why?"   
"In part yes, however it was not only I who wished for another, tis better this way."   
"And you still have not spoken with him?"   
  
Celeborn laughed humorlessly. "Do you think I have spoken with him?"   
Tinendel shook his head. "You have not, you fool. Can you not see that he shares your feelings if only you would have the nerve to tell him." There was a hint of rebuke in his voice. "Trust me, you have waited far too long as it is, now there is no lady to hide behind, no one else who will save you except for your self. For if you do not go to him then I will, and I will tell him all that I know."   
"It can not be... I am fool to think that there could be something more."   
"You are fool for dwelling on it if you truly believe that there is no hope."   
"Tinendel.."   
"No more excuses!" Tinendel stood up leaning across the table to hook his fingers through the front of Celeborn's shirt pulling him closer. "Do not tell me that you know not what to say to him." He commented softly, leaning closer hand moving to the elf lord's chin instead of his shirt tilting his face up a little. "You need not say anything if you do not wish it." He purred, lips mere inches from Celeborn's. "All you need do is go to him and do as I do." That said Tinendel leaned forward to capture Celeborn's lips once more, with a quite pointed kiss that bordered on something not so friendly as the first.  
  
Hesitantly approaching the library door, Haldir could hear Celeborn's voice, and also another, unknown male. Unable to make out the words, and not wanting to interrupt any conversation, he cautiously entered the open doorway, finally getting a good view of the two persons standing in the room. His lord was there, standing very close to a tall, dark-haired, extremely handsome elf, their faces almost touching. The unknown elf seemed almost to be purring, and the next second the two elves kissed each other thoroughly, in a manner that was nothing but purely sensual.   
  
For a moment it was like a lightning had struck Haldir right where he stood, and his whole body froze. His eyes were wide open, but he was unable to move or even breathe. The next moment the reality of what he saw came crashing down on him, and he gasped for air with a half choked sob. For a split second he met Celeborn's eyes over the other elf's shoulder, and then he knew nothing more except to get away from there as fast as possible. He turned and fled, blood thundering in his ears, mouth dry, eyes unseeing, stumbling down the long stairway and throwing himself at his horse, Nim, like he was grabbing for a life line, and the next moment Nim carried him away as fast as it was able to run.  
  
For a brief second Celeborn was too surprised to move, he had not expected to see Haldir there right then and now. He could not help but see the hurt in the other elf's eyes. He felt Tinendel's hand on his shoulder, "Do you doubt me know?" His friend asked softly, before pushing him towards the door. "Do not let him get away from you."   
  
Celeborn hesitated for a moment before leaving the library behind, Tinendel followed a little farther behind to be there but not intrude. He intended to disappear should anything happen that it might not be wise if he were privy to it. He cursed softly when he saw Haldir mount his horse and ride away, seeing Celeborn pause at the food to the stairs.   
  
He was not sure what he had expected when he ran out the door, had not expected anything, just knew he had to talk to Haldir. There was no putting it off now, not after the emotions he had seen so plainly displayed in Haldir's eyes when he had seen him and Tinendel. Celeborn had a very good idea of what was going through his mind right now in response to that. // I should have told him that night.// He thought, finding it almost funny after his thoughts the previous nights. "Haldir!" His voice rang out through the forest as he watched the blond elf ride away. Slowly Celeborn came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, feeling emotions warring within himself.  
  
Haldir heard nothing but his own heartbeats and the hooves of his horse thundering through the forest. Quite a distance into the wood, he halted Nim, trying to collect himself. Still out of breath, he rubbed his eyes and face harsly, getting angry with himself. //You stupid, stupid fool! What did you expect? Getting your hopes up like that! Of course he did not have any interest in you! He was just lonely. This beautiful elf was the one he had longed for, and now he has come back to him.//   
  
He got off the horse, intending to wash his face in the brook nearby, but was unable to stand on his shaking legs, and sank down on his knees. //You fool, this serves you just right! // Nevertheless, this pain in his chest was killing him, crushing him, choking him - he had allowed himself to hope, and now the hope was crushed .... His breath came in erroneous, hitching gasps as he bent his head, letting heavy, warm tears fall to the forest floor.   
  
//I want to tell you...// Celeborn thought obliquely, wishing quite fervently that he had simply given into the desire to tell Haldir that night. It had been such a strong one, especially when those eyes had watched him, with something more than pity--understanding. He could picture it perfectly clear in his mind, so much so that it brought tears to his eyes. Celeborn did not even realize that Tinendel had come up behind him till the other elf wrapped his arms around him. "I told you before that he loved you, even though he did not yet realize it. Give him some time and when he returns speak to him, tell him the truth. What is on your heart and what is between us, if he will not believe you I will swear to it." Tinendel said quietly, gently pulling Celeborn back up the steps.   
  
His mind was in too much turmoil, regret, fear, and longing to realize exactly what was happening, he almost rode out after Haldir right then and there. Yet something in Tinendel's words rang true. It would do neither of them any good to talk when their emotions were still raging the way they were. //Forgive me Haldir, this is my fault.// He thought leaning back against the wall, as he let his tears fall freely now in the cool darkness of the talan, wrapped around him like Tinendel's arms. It had been many a year since Celeborn had cried freely, something he had only done in Tinendel's presence, and once briefly in Galadriel's arms. He had long prided himself on being in control of his emotions, but now he found that a single look could bring him to tears as years of longing began to come to a climax.  
  
After a long while, Haldir finally lifted his head. The sunrays flickering through the leaves were reflected in the glistening tears on his cheeks and the disheveled blond hair, long wet strands still clinging to his face. With red, bleary eyes he looked for Nim, finding him carefree grazing by the brook, happy to have a nice break after the hurried ride. Still sniffling, wiping his eyes and nose with the sleeve of his tunic, he made his way to the brook and splashed the cold fresh water on his face, washing away every trace of emotion. He then undid his braids, combed his hair with the tiny comb he had in his pocket, and rebraided it. Straightening his clothes, he finally checked his reflection in the water, making sure that there was no trace left of what had happened, and with soothing words to Nim, he mounted and rode away.   
  
His heart still felt heavy as stone, but with a new ice-cold feeling, now that he knew for certain that his stupid ideas had been for nothing. There was a new, hardened look in Haldir's eyes, and he sat straight as a steel spring on his horse with his head held high, as he rode to his captain's camp delivering the requested documents. Without uttering a word to his fellow guards he returned to his post at the border, to guard the route leading into the wood. 


	3. Part 3 The visitor

Part 3 - The visitor  
  
Elrohir smiled slightly to himself as the wood finally came into sight below him. It was almost a sad little smile, as he pulled his horse to a stop with a sigh. He wished that his brother had agreed to come with him when he'd asked him. Though it had been Elladan's idea to take this trip he had declined to come with him. Elrohir knew he wanted to be close to Glorfindel, that he loathed to leave his lover, and sighed. While he understood, that part of him was also jealous, though he would never admit it to Elladan. He loved his brother more than any other, there was a bond between them that no lover could ever replace or take away, and he knew that as surely as he knew that Elladan worried for him and would have come had he pushed it. Pushing his hair back from his face he shook off his thoughts, knowing now was not the time nor the place to simply sit and loose himself.   
  
He had seen too much evidence of orcs and other not so savory creatures of late. Having managed to avoid them so far did not guarantee his continued safety should he let his guard down. Elrohir had traveled the world enough to know this, putting his thoughts from his mind was the best he could do at this time. Thoughts of his brother and his lover of shadow, and all that had transpired only a few short weeks ago in Rivendell, yet they felt almost like an eternity away, so close and yet so far. Still bright in his memory as they would always be, no matter how much time would pass.   
  
Urging Tel forward with his knees, Elrohir rode down towards the waiting forest below wondering who would greet him when he reached the forest's edge. It had been some time since the last time he and Elladan had been here. Though he did not doubt that already they knew of his coming and were waiting for him, but he had nothing to fear from the inhabitants of the forest, more from those around the outside of it. //Well Elladan, I have the reached the forest, will this help? I do not know, part of me wished I had stayed longer, were he to come back and find me gone? What would he think of me then, that I had given up so easily on him... Enough...// Elrohir admonished himself finding it was not so easy to banish his thoughts as it had once been.  
  
Haldir and his two fellow guards had spied the lone rider miles away, and with their bows aimed, they were silently waiting in the shadows. Coming closer, Haldir recognized him as a son of Elrond, and signaled to his men to lower their weapons. This was the first time he had ever seen any of them alone, they had always been together, and silently he wondered what had made them to separate. The twins had often visited their grandparents in Lothlorien, and Haldir knew them fairly well without being a close friend, they were always nice to him and liked to talk with him, and when they were smaller he had given them archery lessons. Still he had to wait until the lone elf had almost reached the forest edge before he was able to tell which one this was.  
  
He climbed down from the small watch talan and stepped out of the shadows to stand in the middle of the path, and greeted the young lord with a slight bow and a smile. "Greetings, Lord Elrohir. Welcome to the golden wood!"  
  
"Greetings to you as well, Haldir of Lorien." Elrohir replied quietly, with a slight bow--as it must be from horse back. "I thank you for your welcome." There was something comforting in being greeted by a familiar face. He had always liked Haldir though he did not know the elf as well as he would have liked, when they had talked it had been conversations he had enjoyed. Brushing a wind blown strand of hair back behind his ear he slid off of Tel's back.  
  
"The lands between Imladris and Lorien are very dangerous these days, and there are many vile creatures around our borders. It is a miracle you have arrived safe and unharmed, Lord Elrohir. How come you travel alone?" Haldir's voice was concerned, he feared that Elrohir had had an entourage when he set out from Imladris, and that something might have happened to the others. "Where is your brother?"   
  
"It seemed safer to travel alone. There is a better chance of avoiding that which one might not wish to encounter." Elrohir commented quietly, though he had had a few run ins he had been lucky over all to get away with no more then a few scratches. "Elladan stayed within the borders of Imladris this time, there was much to keep him there and he did not wish to accompany, and there were few others who could make the journey and were not otherwise occupied with Father's business." He shrugged slightly running his hand along Tel's flanks.   
  
Haldir noticed the tiredness in Elrohir, and tenderly stroking Tel's muzzle, he nodded towards the watch talan: "Please, Lord Elrohir, come and join us in our talan, and share some food and wine with us. When you have rested, I will accompany you to Caras Galadhorn myself. Due to much orc activities we have to take another route than usual, and it is much longer, I am afraid. We will not arrive until tomorrow afternoon." Haldir made a hand sign, and a rope ladder was thrown down from the talan, then the two other guards silently appeared on the ground. "Latanir will take Tel to our own horses, and tend to him there." The elf guard approached, and stopped next to Haldir.   
  
Though he hesitated for a few seconds, Elrohir patted Tel's flank lightly, "Go on." Elrohir said softly to the horse when he turned to look at him. "You willl be well taken care of." As if he understood -- and perhaps he did --Tel moved forward a couple steps to nudge the guard lightly with his muzzle. "I am in no hurry, tomorrow afternoon will be soon enough for me." He replied to Haldir.  
  
Watching Latanir lead Tel away, Haldir motioned for Elrohir to enter the ladder. Following him up to the talan, Haldir went to the packs by the light wall that sheltered the talan against the wind. Producing a couple of thick furry sheepskins he placed them on the floor by the wall, then he placed a bottle of wine and a plate with bread, butter and ham and a basket of fresh fruit next to it. "Please take a seat, Lord Elrohir. I am afraid we cannot offer much comfort out here, but please accept the best we have to offer." Haldir smiled gently to Elrohir, sensing he seemed to be a bit tense. "Pray, tell me of Imladris and Lord Elrond."  
  
Taking a seat Elrohir smiled slight. "This is better than traveler's fare." He commented simply, pulling the edges of one of the furs up around him, not so much cold but for the heavy comforting feel of it around him. "There is much happening in the world, and dark tidings of many things, much of which I fear I am not able to speak of, at least not in this place." He glanced around accepting a cup of wine and a piece of buttered bread, his stomach reminding him that he had been lax about his eating habits on the trip. Elrohir pushed it to the side. "But what of yourself?" He asked quietly, wishing to distract the conversation from himself.   
  
"Then we can talk of it some other time," Haldir replied lightly, not wanting to push the young elf lord. "But I am afraid I cannot tell you much new about myself. I am, as always, a guardian in these woods, and nothing much happens here, except our skirmishes with the orcs and other vile beasts." He was silent for a moment, the tiniest sigh escaping his lips, then he turned to look out to the trees, where butterflies fluttered about in the bright sunshine. Hesitating, he cast a glance at Elrohir, wondering why he seemed to be as troubled as himself.  
  
Elrohir was quiet for a moment, before looking up to hold Haldir's gaze for a few moments. "Yet still I feel that something troubles you." He replied gently, it was not often that one could hide what they were feeling from him, it was simply a feeling. If he was not paying attention it might go unnoticed due to his own lack of attentiveness, but now there was nothing else to disway him from his thoughts except to focus on Haldir. "You do not have to speak of it though if you do not wish." He took a sip of his wine. "And how has Lothlorien faired with the increased traffic of the foul beasts?"  
  
Haldir liked the young elf lord, and was not unwilling to have a closer, more personal conversation with him at a later stage. There was evidently something troubling Elrohir, and he would probably need to lighten his heart a little. As his brother was not present, he might want to confide in Haldir, and Haldir would not mind forgetting his own troubled state for a while. He cast a quick glance down to the forest floor, where his two fellow guards stood discreetly by the foot of the tree, not disturbing the conversation, but hearing every word that was said. "Perhaps we can talk more about that later in our travel, when we are alone," he said silently, nodding towards the sentries. "My guards will stay here while I escort you, because there are many orc bands raiding around here. We have a hard time training enough guards to fill all watch talans, and more are needed." Haldir motioned towards the fresh fruit: "Would you like an apple, Lord Elrohir? They are very sweet and juicy."   
  
"I can take care of myself if you should wish to stay." Elrohir offered quietly though he hoped that Haldir would not take him up on the offer. In all truth he had had enough of his own company and would not mind that of another, if only to distract him from his own thoughts now and then. "Ne, but thank you." he glanced down at his bread setting the wine aside and taking it up.  
  
"No, I will follow you," Haldir said plainly, "you do not know the new route that must be taken to avoid danger. The orcs are constantly traveling through our woods now, going southwards, and we have to take a long detour to avoid their favoured paths." Noting that Elrohir did not seem overly hungry in spite of his long trip, he added with a concerned look: "Perhaps you are seeking solitude?"  
  
"Ne, not overly." Elrohir replied with a tired little smile. "I have been traveling on my own since I left Imladris. It will be good to have company the rest of the way. But had you wished to stay, I would have continued on my own." He shrugged slightly. "Only so much solitude is a good thing."  
  
"Ai, that is true," Haldir agreed quietly, looking down, lost in thought. He shrugged and turned to Elrohir. "I see that you have finished your meal. Would you like to rest for a while, or would you rather prefer we start on the travel through the forest?"  
  
"It matters not to me." Elrohir answered ignoring the brief silence for now, though it was more obvious than it had been before that there was something bothering Haldir. His reluctance to speak of it now did not go unnoticed either and so the younger son of Elrond waited, biding his time. "If you wish to move now then let us move and perhaps find a place to rest earlier in the evening."  
  
"Then we shall go now." Haldir started bundling some sheepskin together, at the same time taking one of the full food packs. "Please follow me." He climbed down the ladder, exchanged a few words with his fellow sentries, leaving Latanir in charge, then made his way to where the horses were kept, hearing the soft steps of Elrohir behind him. Without speaking, he went to his horse, Nim, and greeted him warmly, nuzzling in his mane and stroking his muzzle and neck tenderly, then fastened the packs and furs to his back.  
  
Elrohir kept his pack on his own back, it was easier that way and the way he always traveled, greeting Tel in his own fashion. Though he had only just recently said goodbye to the horse as well, he was a good companion and friend - Elrohir had had him for many years now and the two of them got along well. Leading him out he waited for Haldir to join him.  
  
Taking the lead, Haldir rode in a moderate trot along the path for a while, then turned away from the path into the wilder forest. The forest was very old here, and the underbrush was thick, making it unlikely for orcs to choose that route, when following the road was much easier. After about an hour the underbrush was so heavy and the branches so low that it was impossible to stay on horse back, so he dismounted and proceeded to walk on foot leading Nim. After a long while the trees suddenly opened up, and they were in a clearing, the sunshine pouring down, and the ground all covered with the lovely elanor flowers, shining like gold. A tiny brook trickled midst the flowers. Haldir turned to Elrohir and smiled widely. "This is one of my favourite spots. Very few know of this place."  
  
"It is beautiful." Elrohir said softly turning in circles as he tried to take it all in at the same time, a hint of wonder on his face. He had been many places in Lothlorien but he could not remember having been here before, it was a new wonder - one he gladly beheld, stowing it away as a happy place in his mind - a bit of light in the recent dark. He could not help but note his companion as well, the way the sunlight seemed attracted to him to practically glow of his hair and skin. "Thank you for sharing it with me..." He whispered.  
  
Haldir released Nim, letting him graze among the flowers, and approached Elrohir. The young elf lord definitely looked troubled, and he could not help but note the sad tone of his voice. Taking on the same caring behaviour as he had used to when Elrohir was a young elfling, following him around, learning to use the bow, he gently placed his hand on his shoulder for a short moment. "Why not let Tel taste the sweet elanor, and enjoy this place for a moment? The little brook here joins the Nimrodel further down, and it has the same healing effects. Come, Lord Elrohir, and sit by the water - let it ease your heart a little."  
  
Elrohir glanced over his shoulder at Tel before shrugging. "Go on." He replied gently patting the horse's nose. "I know you will enjoy the company anyway." Elrohir glanced back at Haldir, looking away after a moment with hint of a sigh. "I think perhaps that I am not the only one troubled." He commented. "But I would like that." He admitted, glancing around again.  
  
  
"Perhaps you are not," Haldir whispered almost inaudible, turning away, walking over to the brook. He sat down on the grass by the edge, removing his boots and outer tunic, placing his feet in the water and leaning backwards on his elbows, closing his eyes and turning his face to the sun, stretching out like a cat. "Mmmmmmm," he hummed softly, smiling content.  
  
Dropping gracefully into a sitting position next to Haldir, Elrohir slipped off his boots and rolled up his pantlets before slipping his feet in the water. Leaning forward he rested his elbows on his knees staring at the clear, beautiful water. "My brother suggested I come here seeking solace to get away from things that were, that could not be changed...." He said quietly.  
  
Haldir opened his eyes and sat up silently, pleased that Elrohir seemed to want to open up a little. Not wanting to push the other, he casually turned to the side, picking an elanor flower, smelling it and admiring how it seemed to reflect the sunlight. "This place always soothes my heart whenever it feels heavy," he said at last. "Perhaps it may also help bring some peace to yours. Would you like to unburden your heart, entrusting some of your troubles with me?"  
  
Glancing over at him Elrohir laughed softly, tucking a braid back out of his face before reaching up to simply begin undoing them, knowing there was not much hope, having left them in since he had redone them a few days ago. "I do not even know where to start anymore." He said softly, finally not looking over at Haldir. "Much as happened and when in telling it, it seems like so little and yet it is not to me, and I..." He shrugged.  
  
Seeing Elrohir trying to groom his hair, Haldir searched his pocket and silently handed Elrohir his tiny comb, smiling encouraging at him. "What happened to you then?" he asked gingerly. "Has it got something to do with your brother not being here? Did somebody cause you pain?"  
  
Elrohir smiled a thanks, setting it on his knee as he continued to work the braids out of his hair, quiet for the moment. Part of him wanted to tell, tell someone who did not know all involved, who might.... He closed his eyes picking up the comb as he got all the braids out, working it through his hair, undoing all the knots and tangles that had accumulated there. "Elladan did not wish to leave his lover's side." Elrohir admitted softly, though he would not look at Haldir now. "But I can not fault him for that, I would not have wished to leave either, except I was not given the chance, nor the option."  
  
Looking down at the water streaming around his ankles, Haldir pondered his words. It was obvious Elrohir was talking about a lover - a lover that had not let him have a choice.... "You are here," he said slowly, "because somebody did not allow you the choice to decide whether you wanted to stay or leave.... Are you trying to get away from a lover, or are you the one who was left behind?" He lifted his hands to Elrohir's hair, seeing he was struggling with a knot. "Allow me?"  
  
Elrohir hesitated for a few moments before relinquishing the comb and strand of hair to Haldir, with a sigh. "He left without... without even the certainty that he might come, but with the warning that if he did not return then I was to go to another to find out of his death." Elrohir replied quietly, biting his lower lip as he refused to let the tears come that wanted to come even now, at the thought. He could still remember the one night he had shared with Shadow, the short time they had had when they finally found each other, the whispered promise that it would last, that they would always be together, only to wake in the morning and find that... Elrohir closed his eyes trying to put the memories back in their place.  
  
Haldir took the comb and with gentle fingers brushed through the rest of the soft dark hair. It shone in the sunlight and fell like a cascade of silk around Elrohir's shoulders. Seeing the young elf struggling with tears, he felt a wave of tenderness towards him, and stroke his hair soothingly. At the same time, the obvious pain also affected his own state of mind, as he was reminded of his own heartbreak the same morning. Not being able to speak for a moment, he inadvertently continued stroking the soft hair. Finally he found his voice. "That was a cruel thing to say. Perhaps it was not meant that way, but it must still be devastating for you," he whispered.  
  
"Perhaps it was not." Elrohir replied but he did not know for sure, did not know what to say, was not sure he wanted to say anything. "Now I do not know what to think or what to do, whether to hope or to let go." He sighed, "But enough of me, would you care to speak of what troubles you?"  
  
"So you came to Lothlorien to escape the memories of him," Haldir concluded thoughtfully. "Memories hurt... to see the places reminding you of your loved one...." He swallowed, and looked down at his hands, whispering: "I understand - much better than you think, Lord Elrohir."   
  
"I thought that you might." Elrohir commented, turning to take Haldir's hands gently in his own. "I could see it in your eyes... Though he would not come with me it was Elladan's idea that I come here. I... I still wish in part that I had stayed on the hap chance that he might come back that... what if he were to come and find that I were not there?" Elrohir closed his eyes for a moment forcing himself to breathe instead, to push the thoughts away. "Yet he made it sound as if he did not expect to come back." Pulling a leather thong from his pocket he tied his hair back not bothering to braid it, simply pulling it from his face.  
  
"If he does return, your brother will tell him where you are, and he will be waiting for you, or perhaps even come here for you. But why would he not come back.... why did he leave you?" Haldir looked intently at Elrohir, carefully removing one of his hands from Elrohir's grasp, and placing it on top of his hand, returning the gentle pressure.  
  
"He did not say, where it was he went... only that..." Elrohir shook his head he would not say it, turning away from Haldir to look back at the river, though he did not pull his hands away from the elf. "It does not matter."  
  
Haldir nodded slowly. He understood this pain. To loose a loved one - he had lost his loved one this very morning - although he had never had the chance to tell him he loved him... the memories almost overwhelmed him. He had tried to be strong today, to pretend that nothing had happened - but to be reminded of another's pain - similar in nature - hurt almost too much. "You don't need to tell me," he whispered, "I understand."   
  
Against his better nature, the gentle presence that Haldir seemed to offer reminded him much of his brother, putting him a bit more at ease than he might be with any other. Elrohir turned to slip his hands from Haldir's, sliding his arms around the other elf, not sure if it was he who was holding Haldir or the other way around. Nothing else was said for the moment though Elrohir felt as if there was nothing more that needed to be said at least for now.   
  
The simple, undemanding presence of another, sharing the pain and the emotions, was just what Haldir needed. Sighing silently, he closed his eyes and leaned slightly to Elrohir's shoulder, enjoying the comfort of the arms around him. For several moments he bit his lip, not wanting the tremble to give him away, and fought the emotions that threatened to overcome him, making his eyes damp behind his lashes. He was not able to speak, but no words were needed.  
  
Elrohir wanted to ask to know what troubled Haldir, though he knew the nature of it, but he knew too that now was not the time to ask. Instead he let his hand move gently through the guardians blond hair, the way his brother would do with him when he was upset, the other moving in gentle circles on his back. And so for a time the sound of water beside them, the wind in the trees, and their own breathing were the only sounds in the glade, along with the occasional sound of the horses. But it was the cry of a strange bird high in the branches of one of the trees that started Elrohir out of the daze he had settled into. "Haldir?" He whispered softly, not sure if it was a question or only to break the uneasily quiet that seemed to have descended upon the place.   
  
Haldir's eyes darted open, but he needed a moment to become fully aware of his surroundings - Elrohir's silent comfort had felt so soothing it almost made him forget everything else. The sun had moved quite a bit, the shadows were growing and it was suddenly late afternoon - they had been there much longer that he had intended. "It will be dark soon," he said, pulling his feet out of the water, wrinkled and almost numb from the cold, and started pulling his boots on. "We must hurry, lest we will not reach the talan before the light is gone. The underbrush is difficult to move through even in daylight, and with our horses we will not make it in the dark." Hurriedly he put on his outer tunic, and stretched out a hand to Elrohir, to help him get up. "Come."  
  
Retrieving his own boots and putting them back on, taking a moment to finish lacing them up before taking Haldir's hand, letting the elf pull him to his feet. Elrohir did not say anything, calling Tel to him with a quiet whistle, smiling as the horse trotted promptly over with a low whicker. "Then let us be off." he said quietly, glancing at Haldir.   
  
They lead their horses in between the trees again, and were soon almost covered by the thick underbrush. Even with elven nimbleness and elven horses the journey was a cumbersome one. The sun had already set, and it was quite dark when Haldir halted under a large mallyrn in a small clearing in the middle of the shrub, forest thick on all sides, like a wall surrounding them. "We will spend the night in this talan." He pointed up in the mallyrn, throwing a rope up in the lowest branches. "Our horses will be safe in this clearing, there is grass here and a tiny creek." Quickly as a squirrel he climbed up the rope, disappeared through the branches for a moment, and then a rope ladder came tumbling down. Haldir appeared at the forest floor again, loosening the pack and the furs from Nim's back, stroking him and whispering soothingly to him.   
  
Smiling slightly to himself, Elrohir took a moment to take of Tel before shouldering his pack again, using the rope that Haldir had left to climb the tree instead of the later. He enjoyed the feeling of doing something he not done in sometime; climbing was something that should be enjoyed. Elrohir felt as if he had spent far too much time on horse back of late. Making it up into the talan, Elrohir left his things there, climbing back down, he jumped the last bit to the ground, landing in a crouch. "Can I help carry things up?" He asked looking over at Haldir.  
  
"You can carry your own furs," Haldir smiled at him, a hint of mischief in his voice. "My brothers always run off and leave all their packs for me to carry." He handed Elrohir a bundle of furs, taking the other himself, and the pack on his back, before nimbly entering the ladder and disappearing up on the talan.  
  
Elrohir laughed softly. He was used to traveling with Elladan, always they had shared the different chores when setting up camp or getting ready to get underway, it was something that was natural to him. Picking up the pile of furs, Elrohir moved after Haldir back into the branches of the tree.   
  
In a corner of the talan, sheltered by the light braided windscreen, Haldir laid the furs out, making a comfortable bed. Lighting a small, sheltered lantern, he motioned for Elrohir to come and sit next to him, and proceeded to unpack the food, producing a bottle of wine, cups, bread, meat and fruit. "Dinner is served, my Lord!" he said with a smile and a light bow to Elrohir.  
  
A hint of a smile played across his lips as he set his furs down near Haldir's, before sitting down. Elrohir reached up to pull Haldir down beside him, "Dinner for two." He replied with a little grin.  
  
Haldir laughed slightly, and sat down next to him, starting to cut slices of bread for them both, handing one to Elrohir, followed by the meat and a cup of wine. Not waiting for Elrohir, he nipped a sip of wine from his cup and took a deep, relaxed breath, leaning his back to the windscreen and stretching his legs out in front of him.  
  
Pulling one of the furs around his shoulders, Elrohir leaned back against the railing that ran around half of the talan. He nibbled a bit on the slice of bread, setting the wine carefully next to him where he would not be apt to knock it over. Elrohir glanced over at Haldir out of the corner of his eye, feeling a little more uncertain than he had before, though he was not sure why or what it was that had changed between them. He felt closer to the other elf and at the same time more exposed, knowing he could no longer hide behind a smile and a fragile excuse.  
  
For the first time in many days, Haldir felt comfortable. Having company had distracted him somewhat from the dark thoughts that had continuously been eating away at his mind, although they still had almost overwhelmed him while resting in that clearing. The silent comfort Elrohir had offered, the arm around his shoulder, had touched him deeply, and soothed his pain. Elrond's son was a pleasant companion, and Haldir enjoyed his presence more than he would admit.   
  
After a few moments Elrohir slipped off his boots, setting them off to the side near his pack before taking up his seat next to Haldir once more. He desperately wanted to ask and yet the mood seemed to have lightened a little since their last conversation, he loathed to dampen it with that which weighed heavily on both their hearts. Over head he heard the slight rumble of thunder, a sad little smile played across his face as he leaned over to peer up through the branches of the tree towards the dark sky above them.  
  
Haldir glanced up as well, and reached out to his pack, extracting a thin, tightly woven textile impregnated in oil, with strings fastened to the edges. "The rain will start within minutes", he said. "Please give me a hand stretching this over the talan. Our horses will keep dry standing under the tree." He got to his feet, starting to tie the strings to the branches surrounding the talan.  
  
Getting on his feet silently, Elrohir gave Haldir a hand spreading the tarpaulin over the talan, tying it down so that it would not blow away. Bringing their things beneath it before slipping out from under it, Elrohir stood there for a moment. He wanted desperately to climb higher into the tree to watch the storm just before it hit. "I will be back." He said quietly to Haldir, finally pushing the last of his warnings down he moved up into the higher branches of the tree.  
  
Haldir stood watching Elrohir climbing up toward the top of the tree, shaking his head slowly in wonder. // Leave it to a son of Elrond to voluntarily want to stay in the top of a tree during a thunderstorm.// He shrugged, and smiling slightly to himself, he went back under the canvas. Having spent most of his days out in the wilderness, Haldir had endured his share of rainstorms, and was not fascinated by them anymore, although he would admire the large lightnings flashing across the sky. Taking a deep breath he settled under the provisional roof, tidying up the remnants of the food, pouring himself another cup of wine. Taking off his boots and tunics, he settled on the furs, snuggling up against the wall with a fur around his shoulders and others tucked around him, and pulled his knees up towards his chest, burying his toes in the soft wool. Sipping his wine, he wondered if Elrohir would stay outside until he was soaked when it was so nice and dry in here where he was.  
  
When he finally did return, Elrohir was indeed soaked to the skin, but he felt somehow a little bit better at in sense having witnessed and felt the fury of the storm. It often helped him to deal with his own inner turmoil to focus on that of nature. Crawling beneath the tarp he glanced over at Haldir, he wondered if the other elf was sleeping. Moving to his pack he pulled out a clean pair of leggings, slipping out of his wet clothes and quickly slipping into the clean pair of leggings, though he didn't bother with a shirt or boots yet. "Are you asleep Haldir?" He asked softly as he settled down into a sitting position on the blankets near the other elf taking a sip of the wine he had left before.   
  
Haldir had been slightly dozing, drowsy from the wine and the monotonous drumming of the raindrops on the canvas, but awoke when he heard light movements from the branches above, and the soft rustling of the fabric as Elrohir lifted it aside and entered the talan. Too lazy to move, he silently watched the dark-haired elf undress, admiring the ebony white body for a moment before it was covered in dry clothes. When Elrohir softly called him, he slowly sat up, wrapping the fur around his bare back, shivering slightly in the sudden cold after the warmth of his bed, dragging more furs over his legs and chest, making himself comfortable. "I am awake now," he said, smiling a little, drawing the still lit lantern a little closer to the bed. "Did you enjoy getting soaked?"  
  
"Forgive me I did not mean to wake you." Elrohir brushed a damp strand of hair back away from his face. "Aye, I think I did." He chuckled softly blushing a little as he pulled one of the furs up around his bare shoulders. Closing his eyes for a moment listening to the sound of the rain on the tarplin above them, the wind in the branches as it rocked the tree and talan slightly with the force of it. A hint of a smile played across his face though it did not stay there for long. "I always found the storms soothing." Elrohir commented softly turning to fix his gray eyes on Haldir.  
  
"Well, you were not exactly silent when you came back," Haldir retorted dryly, but with a disarming smile, silently amused seeing the other one blush. "Why do you find storms soothing, when they are eruptions of vast amounts of nature's power?"  
  
"Forgive me, I will be more quiet should it happen again." Elrohir said quietly, "Perhaps it is simply being a part of that power witnessing it and in a way feeling it... It helps cleans the soul in a way." He replied softly, thoughtfully, not sure how else to put it.  
  
Haldir looked at Elrohir gently, and leaned over to touch his arm for a moment. "It is all right, I was not quite asleep," he said softly, looking him in the eyes. "I would not sleep anyway until I knew you were safe back inside again. Do you feel better now, when your soul is cleansed?" he added, absentmindedly playing with his pale hair, now falling loosely and unbraided around his head.   
  
"For now perhaps." Elrohir admitted glancing over at him curiously. "Had you wanted me to come in, you had only to say something." He added, "I would have come back in... Perhaps you should go out and see what the storm can do for you." He glanced towards the flap hanging down to keep the wind from blowing any of the excess water onto them.  
  
"No," Haldir said with a shudder, "I do not want to go out in the storm. I have spent almost all my life out in the woods, and I have had my fair share of rain and storms without any shelter while standing watch. This is one of the few occasions when I do not have to stay outside." He sighed softly and added: "Are you still wet and cold? Take one of these extra furs, no need to freeze."   
  
"I'll be fine." He tried to protest but something about Haldir made him want to accept the extra fur just to please him. Taking it, Elrohir smiled slightly scooting closer to Haldir. "Thank you." He said finally with a soft sigh. "Thank you for caring and for listening to me when I know it must have been hard for you to hear me speak of what I spoke..."  
  
"You have a broken heart, and I know how much it hurts. True, it is painful for me to hear you speak of it because it fuels my own memories, but it helps me to care for somebody else than myself. I will be here for you if you need to talk about it," Haldir said silently. "I think that might help to heal both your heart and mine." He carefully adjusted the fur around Elrohir's shoulders, and pulled the extra furs up to better cover his lap and chest.   
  
Reaching out to caress his cheek gently, Elrohir did the same for Haldir. "Talk to me." He prompted gently. "Please." He knew it would be hard for him to hear for the same reason that his own words had been hard for Haldir, but at the same time he knew that Haldir was right. Perhaps together they could help each other, if they were to trust each other it was possible.   
  
Haldir hesitated somewhat, afraid to even start thinking about his pain, but finally he begun, slowly: "I have loved someone for many years, yet always known it could not be. A few nights ago, something happened that made me hope - that perhaps it could be possible - that he might feel love for me after all..." Haldir's voice had fallen to a small whisper; "...but this morning I learned I was wrong... he has a new lover now..." The last words were almost inaudible, and Haldir swallowed hard, staring down on his hands, folded around his bent knees.  
  
Elrohir stayed where he was for a moment before moving closer, pushing back the furs from his shoulders so that he could slip his arms around Haldir. Ignoring the nagging little thoughts of desire that jumped to his mind as he pulled the guardian close. "Is it possible that you misunderstood what you saw?" He asked finally, softly.  
  
Sighing, Haldir closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. The arms around him felt so good, so comforting, and yet - it was a long time since he had felt bare skin against his own. Pushing that thought out of his mind, he silently shook his head. "I have thought of that - in fact I have been able to think of little else this day - but I do not believe so. It is more likely I have imagined the whole thing ... that he never had any interest in me in the first place. I have been so stupid!" The last words came with a resigned groan.  
  
"Perhaps you should go and speak to him, no not of your feelings if you do not wish, but if he does indeed share them... Then perhaps give him a chance to speak to you of them, and if you did indeed not misunderstand what you saw...." Elrohir scooted over to sit behind Haldir, pulled him back against his chest, as he leaned back against the side of the talan pulling the blankets once more up around them. Shivering slightly Elrohir dismissed it as nothing but the chill that had come up with the storm.  
  
"No, I cannot speak to him, not now - perhaps never... he does not know my feelings, and it should stay that way... I have no right to interfere in his happiness. I...I do not want to think about it anymore..." His voice trembled a little, and he felt his eyes sting behind closed lids. Haldir was slightly surprised when Elrohir pulled him back against his chest, but he faintly remembered having seen the twins sit like that when they were smaller, comforting each other. It felt so good, so safe ... Haldir shed his last reservations of being only a guard while the other a lord, and leaned back against the other elf's chest, tilting his head to rest his forehead on Elrohir's chin, biting his lip to hide the emotion that welled up in him. "You are so kind to me," he whispered.  
  
"You were always kind to me." Elrohir answered, arms tightening around him. Besides he understood in a way how the guardian felt, what it was like to love someone and no longer be able to have them. Though he knew it must be worse to know that they were still there, close by, only to think that they loved another after having thought that perhaps there was a chance. He kissed the top of Haldir's head gently. One arm encircling his waist, Elrohir brought his other hand up to brush it through Haldir's hair, soothingly. "It's alright to cry you know... everyone needs to cry sometimes."  
  
Haldir had not wept in the presence of others since he was a child, not even his brothers, always stayed in control, waiting until he was alone. But this pain was so deep - his last shreds of control were slowly bursting, confronted with this gentle tenderness from Elrohir.   
  
Silvery tears escaped from under his dark lashes and trickled down his cheeks. His throat burned, and his lips trembled visibly. Turning sideways in Elrohir's arms, he slid both his arms around the other's back, holding him tight, burying his face deep into the curve between shoulder and neck. His strained breathing turned into half choked sobs as he broke down in Elrohir's arms.  
  
Holding him tightly, Elrohir felt his own tears begging to be let free as well. Though despite his own words to Haldir, he held them back for a while before giving in. Fingers straying through the guardian's hair, arms tight around him, Elrohir pressed his cheek to the top of Haldir's head. Their tears fell like the rain that flowed from the sky onto the earth around them, Elrohir paid no heed to the storm that still roared around them in the night. Lost in his own pain and Haldir's.  
  
Feeling Elrohir's body shaking, hearing his soft sobs, Haldir understood that also the young elf lord was finding relief, and pulled him even closer, stroking the long dark hair. They held each other tight until the rain stopped falling on the canvas, and the forest fell silent. Exhausted, not letting go of Elrohir, Haldir carefully eased them down on the furs, pulling the blankets up around them. Slowly they fell asleep still holding each other tight. 


	4. part 4 After the storm cut version

Part 4 - After the storm -   
(This chapter had originally contained stricktly adult situations, and has been cencored and mutilated to be posted on ff.net. The cuts are visible in the middle. For the original adult chapter, see Authors Notes in Default Chapter.)  
  
The sunrays flickering through the leaves above, penetrated the cracks in the canvas and tickled Haldir's nose. Slowly he opened his eyes a little, only to look into the sleeping face of another a mere inch away, snuggled closely into his arms, holding him tight. Closing his eyes again, still not quite awake, he lay for a moment, feeling the soft breath on his face and warm skin tight against his own bare chest. Relishing the feeling of another body so close to him, he snuggled closer, not wanting to wake up.  
  
Elrohir did not want to wake. His dreams had taken him back to before he had woken up, before the letter - before Shadow had left him. For a while the night forgotten, the rain having cleaned it though the pain in the soul would still remain. He snuggled closer to Haldir with a soft sigh trying to cling to sleep.  
  
Haldir's pleasant dreams had centered around Celeborn as always, and in his still dreamy state, feeling arms pulling him close, lips almost touching - he unconsciously pressed against the other, nipping at the soft lips, not opening his eyes.  
  
"Shadow..." Elrohir murmured the name softly not even realizing it was not his lover in his arms nor remembering that he was no longer even in Imladris. He caught the gentle lips so near his own in a deep passionate kiss.  
  
Already slightly aroused due to his dream, Haldir responded just as passionately to the deep kiss, letting the other's tongue explore his mouth. //Oh, my love Celeborn//  
  
Elrohir groaned softly into the kiss, keeping the kiss going for a while longer, eyes still glazed with sleep, though wakefulness was slowly coming over him. At last he pulled away sighing softly, hand coming up to cares a soft cheek, his eyes coming up as it slipped back into long hair instead of short locks. "Haldir?" He whispered softly, slowly closing his eyes fighting back the disappointment that threatened to overload the temporary sense of balance he had found.  
  
Hearing his name, Haldir slowly realized this was not Celeborn's voice. Opening his eyes, he found himself looking into Elrohir's grey eyes. Uncomprehending, utterly confused, he let go of the other, slowly untangling his legs and arms. Amidst the bewilderment and disappointment, he realized Elrohir looked sad, and gingerly he stroke the hair away from the other's face, shaking his head slowly, blushing embarrassed, not knowing what to say or do.  
  
"I am sorry, Haldir." Elrohir said softly, looking away from Haldir. "Forgive me, I should not have done that." He pulled away a little staring towards the sunlight that filtered through the forest outside just visible beneath the edge of the tarp. He had wished it had been Shadow, had thought it was - to find Haldir there had made him feel sad and foolish at the same time.  
  
Haldir shook his head again. "Do not apologize. I am the one to blame. I dreamt of my love, and half asleep I confused him with you. I am sorry, I should not have done this." Still confused he looked at Elrohir. "Did I make you sad? I am so sorry."  
  
Elrohir glanced back at him, "It was not your fault, I do believe I was the one who kissed you first." He said quietly, reaching up to touch Haldir's cheek softly. "I too had a dream." He admitted, "It was not you who made me remember, but myself."  
  
"Then we are both equally miserable," Haldir said, silently. "I can see that you are sad and disappointed I was not the one you dreamt of. I felt the same way. Now I suppose we will become as unhappy as we were last night." Remembering what had transpired during the night, he closed his eyes a little, lifting a hand to close it around Elrohir's, keeping it there.  
  
Turning his hand to tightening it around Haldir's, Elrohir turned to face him fully once more. "Then perhaps we should not think of that which plagues us but something else." He commented softly, "There is no forgetting, but for a time one can choose not to remember."  
  
"I want to stop remembering," Haldir whispered, "but I do not know how." He looked at Elrohir with eyes dark from sadness, and slowly turned his head to let his lips graze Elrohir's fingertips resting on his cheek.  
  
He almost could not stand to see his own feelings mirrored in Haldir's eyes - it was more an impulse that took over as Elrohir moved closer once more to catch Haldir's lips with his own, this time on purpose. "Then close your eyes, and imagine that it is he with you instead of I." He whispered breaking the kiss after a moment, body pressing closer to Haldir's again.  
  
Looking deep into Elrohir's eyes, Haldir understood what he meant. The kiss reminded him again of the happiness he had felt in his dreamy state, making him want to return there. He could tell Elrohir having the same need. Gently he brought his lips to Elrohir's, brushing them, before capturing them in a long kiss, wrapping his arms around him.  
  
Letting his eyes slide almost all the way closed Elrohir could almost do as he had said - imagine that it was not Haldir. Yet it felt almost wrong to do so.  
  
Seeing Elrohir's response to his kiss, made Haldir remember the passionate embrace they had shared in their dream. It had been so long since he had shared his body with another, pining after Celeborn. The combination of the dream, his state of mind, the warm touches of skin on his body and the eager state of the other, made his body yearn for contact, and he sought Elrohir's lips again.   
  
The light touches of Elrohir's fingers tingled along his skin, and made his pulse go faster. In a fleeting moment Haldir remembered similar touches and feelings just a few nights before, and that almost made him loose heart again. That night the caresses had not meant anything, Celeborn had obviously not cared about him... It made Haldir fear that this would be similar ... that the other elf would behave just like Celeborn, kiss him and then leave, never looking back. Anxious and confused, Haldir hesitated, breaking the kiss not knowing what Elrohir wanted.  
  
Elrohir caught Haldir's lips once more with his own, then pulling away. "Would you have me, Haldir?" He whispered huskily, moving to kiss his way along the other elf's jaw. "I am not the one you long for but... would you have me?"  
  
Looking at Elrohir with eyes half closed, Haldir lifted both his hands to his face, stroking the dark hair away from his face and tucking it gently behind his ears. "I know you are not him, Elrohir. It would not be fair of me to use you as a substitute for another." He lifted his head to kiss the other tenderly, "I would have you now, if you would have me, although I am not your lost lover. Would you have me, Elrohir?"  
  
His heart lightened a little at Haldir's eloquent words, his hands coming up to cup Haldir's face gently. "I would say the same to you as you have said to me." He replied softly. "I would have you, Haldir of Lothlorien." Closing the distance to press another kiss, this one slow and loving.  
  
Haldir returned the kiss tenderly, feeling a wave of affection for the young elf lord wash over him.   
  
Elrohir's eyes came open looking down at Haldir feeling his own heart stir with affection for him at the look there. It was not love, not in the way that he felt for Shadow and he knew that Haldir felt for another, ne not that, but it was something akin to it. Elrohir knew then in that moment that they would always be friends, even though he knew that this would not last as they were now. In the end they both loved another.  
  
Looking into Elrohir's eyes, Haldir was moved to find his own newly found affection mirrored there. Closing his eyes, he kissed Elrohir again, //Oh Celeborn, it should have been you!// Showing the unwelcome thought back, he closed his eyes.  
  
"Are you sure of this?" Elrohir asked softly, lips brushing against the soft skin of Haldir's neck. He would not if Haldir was not certain that this was what he wanted, he wanted it yes, but if Haldir did not...  
  
Haldir's eyes darted open, unsure what Elrohir meant. "Do you not want to do this?" He asked gingerly, stroking his fingers through the silky dark hair that hung around them like a curtain, "I want to get to know you - but if it pains you we will not do this. What do you want, Elrohir?"  
  
Elrohir smiled slightly. "I have already told you what I want." "I want you."  
  
Lots of passionate lovemaking took place on the furs in the talan.  
  
Letting his arms slip around Haldir as the elf dropped to the furs next to him, Elrohir turned his head enough to place a kiss on his forehead. He did not bother trying to say anything else, instead just holding Haldir and being held was enough for now. Fingers absently brushing slightly damp strands of hair from Haldir's face, Elrohir enjoyed the comforting warmth and pressure of having another near. That was something he missed almost more than anything else, simply having someone else near by.  
  
Haldir felt a wave of tenderness flow over him as he looked into Elrohir's eyes. It had been so long since the last time he had shared his body with someone, he had almost forgotten this wonderful feeling of being so near somebody else. Enjoying the closeness and tender caresses, he snuggled tightly into Elrohir's arms, kissing his brows, eyelids, cheeks, nose, lips with feather light touches, sighing content.  
  
A sweet little smile played across Elrohir's face at the tender kisses, his arms tightening around Haldir in response. "Thank you, Haldir." He whispered quietly after a little while had past, knowing the simple words were not enough to express what he was feeling and yet nothing better was coming to his mind. It would have to be enough at least for now. Elrohir hoped they could lay there for a little while longer - he listened to the sound of the wind in the trees and the birds that had long since woken up, but it was Haldir's heartbeat that was the sweetest music.  
  
His body still limp, feeling utterly relaxed and content, Haldir was feeling drowsy, and nuzzling into Elrohir's face and hair, holding him tight, he began to doze off.  
  
It was so easy to follow his new lover down that path, to let the cobwebs of sleep drift across his mind. Much easier than to think about anything else, but Elrohir stayed awake a little while longer staring up at the dappled sunlight visible on the outside of the tarplin. So it was that sleep crept up on him and dragged him under before he had even realized it. Leaving the two tangled in each other's arms once more, fast asleep.  
  
Sometime later, Haldir awoke, and carefully, without waking his lover, he rose, dressed, and started taking the canvas down, letting the sunshine in. Seeing that the light stirred Elrohir, Haldir smiled tenderly at him and threw an apple at him. "Time to wake up you sleepy head", he grinned mischievously. "We only have fruit left, but you can eat when we get to the city. It will only take a couple of hours now, because we will go back to the road shortly, and then we can ride the rest of the way." Bending down to Elrohir, he stroke the disheveled dark hair away from his face and tucked it behind his ear, and stroke him affectionately on his cheek. Smiling, placing a light kiss on his forehead he pulled his hand. "Come on now, on your feet."  
  
Laughing softly, Elrohir pulled Haldir down onto the furs next to himself, moving to catch his lips with a quite passionate kiss before pulling away. Kneeling next to him for a moment, fingers trailing along his face with a mirror caress. "I'll be ready in a few moments." He commented, moving to slip on his leggings. Slinging his pack over his shoulder, Elrohir picked up the few other things that were his, before disappearing over the side of the talan to take a quick dip in the stream before dressing.  
  
Haldir appeared on the ground with the rest of their packs. "I need to wash too", he laughed, "you made me sticky." He joined Elrohir in the stream for a quick wash in the ice cold water, enjoying himself by splashing water on the other elf and getting soaked in return, before finally retreating to get dressed and making Nim ready for the travel.  
  
Taking a little bit longer to dress Elrohir watched Haldir as he did so, finding that for the first time in many weeks he could not stop smiling. It was as if something had lightened in his soul, something that not even his brother had been able to lift - though Elladan's preoccupation with Glorfindel did not yet. Thinking over all that had happened Elrohir sighed softly, glancing up to find Haldir looking at him. Giving the other a smile, he tied his hair back again. Standing up, Elrohir picked up his pack once more walking over to greet Tel, giving her the rest of his apple. "Shall we be on our way then, Haldir?" He asked, an arm draped lightly over Tel's neck as he turned to look at the guardian. Moving away from the horse, he drew the other elf into his arms for a lingering kiss before he could reply, fingers running gently through Haldir's hair.   
  
Returning the kiss and deepening it somewhat before pulling away, Haldir just smiled happily at him. "Yes, we should be on our way... that is, if I can take my eyes off you", he laughed, kissing Elrohir again. With yet another lingering kiss, ending in a tight hug, Haldir said softly: "I am glad I chose to follow you to the city." Not needing to say any more, he slowly pulled away from Elrohir, stroking his cheeks tenderly before finally returning to Nim.   
  
Watching him go for a moment before forcing himself to turn away, still smiling, Elrohir ran a hand through his hair before he remembered he had already put it. Laughing quietly at his own stupidity, he pulled the thong from his hair tying it about his wrist, leaving his hair loose for the moment. He would put it up again before he greeted the Lord and Lady of the wood--or who so ever should choose to greet him. For now it mattered not, least of all to him. Brushing his fingers along Tel's silky coat, he gave her a hug wishing it was Haldir he was hugging, before he even realized that it had not been Shadow he had thought of this time. Putting the nagging out of his mind Elrohir was determined to keep his happy mood. If Shadow could just up and leave him without so much as saying a proper good bye or giving him a good reason - or the chance to come with him, then he could have his fun. So pushing Shadow from his mind as well, Elrohir let Haldir lead the way as they left the happy little place behind, he found he wished they could stay there longer. 


	5. part 5 By the city gate

Part 5 - By the city gate  
  
  
For the first time in many years, Haldir's heart had felt so light. He had not wanted to think about his troubles, not wanting to destroy his happiness. On their walk through the forest they had talked and laughed, and when they led their horses out of the thick underbrush onto the road again, they had stopped and kissed each other tenderly, bestowing gentle caresses upon each other, lingering touches, before mounting their horses. But as they neared the city of Caras Galadhorn, his heart fell and his thoughts were in turmoil, almost made him want to turn and ride into the forest again with Elrohir, back to their talan.   
  
What would he do when they reached the city? Protocol demanded that he followed the guest up to the reception hall in the large talan, and announced him for the Lord and Lady, and it was his duty to stay there until dismissed, or until he would follow the guest down again. He would have to see Celeborn again, look into those pale blue eyes, and know... Oh, what a fool he had been! The way he had behaved, all the hopes he had build up... Celeborn had just teased him with all his caresses, he had just felt lonely! The next day this lover had arrived, and Haldir had meant nothing. That kiss in the forest... just kissing him and leaving him standing there - like a fool... getting his hopes up for nothing, and then breaking his heart with this new lover... //Oh, I have been such a fool!//  
  
Haldir was certain Celeborn had not meant for him to take it that way, he was a gentle man and would never hurt him knowingly... something stirred in his heart at that thought. But still - it had served to show him how hopeless his whole situation had been. Celeborn had never - and would never - love a simple guard. As simple as that. Oh, but to look into those light blue eyes again - he feared it, dreaded it, not knowing how he would react - would he be able to stay in control?.  
  
He had spent so many lonely years as Celeborn's guard, watching him, pining for him, never allowing himself to find the love of others, ever wretched, ever miserable. But Elrohir... sweet, funny Elrohir... had touched something in him - something he did not know was there.  
  
Haldir had not meant to become so taken with Elrohir, he knew that they had just been comforting each other, to start the much needed healing of their hearts, but there was something special about this son of Elrond... Elrohir had been so kind to him, so gentle, so caring... He was such a sweet person, young, fresh, lively - who else would climb a treetop during a thunderstorm - and so beautiful; almost exotic - with that dark hair, a colour unseen in Lorien. Memories of him from the same morning filled his head - when he had lain nude before him, the pale skin glowing with heat, the dark hair spread out around his head, the beautiful flushed face, eyes dark with passion, those wanton lips - he had looked so trusting, yet so vulnerable in his state of total abandon - there was something so incredibly sweet about that, it had touched his heart in that moment and stayed there.   
  
He turned his head and looked at the young, dark-haired elf riding by his side, and felt a stir of tenderness in his heart, spreading through his body, making him smile... making him want to reach out and touch him, to love him... made him hope that even he, Haldir the simple guardian, perhaps one day might have a love of his own...   
  
Torn between thoughts of happiness and heartbreak, Haldir sighed heavily, and looked down to the forest floor, covered in golden leaves.  
  
  
Maneuvering Tel closer, Elrohir slipped his arms gently around Haldir for a few moments, arms tightening gently around him before he was forced to let go as the two horses pulled away again. His fingers brushing gently across Haldir's hand as he did so, no words were said, though Elrohir could sense that the mood had changed from the lightness that had been there at the beginning. Indeed he could feel his own mood changing a little, but it was so easy to simply push it aside to force himself to worry about someone else instead. Haldir presented him with that option, a distraction from his own thoughts. It had been long enough now that he was used to hiding what he felt, what worried him. Only those who knew him well enough would notice.  
  
Haldir captured Elrohir's hand before the horses moved further apart, and brought it to his lips, kissing the fingers gently, then letting it go. Turning to look at Elrohir, he sensed that he, too, was growing more serious. He moved Nim closer again, and stroke his hand tenderly along the young elf's cheek. "You seem to be worried, Elrohir. Are you not looking forward to meeting your grandparents again?"  
He felt a pang of anxiety by the thought, and dropped his hand down to his side.  
  
"Tis nothing." Elrohir replied easily, giving Haldir a little smile. Tempted to reach out and take the guardian's hand again as soon as his own was dropped, but he did not do it this time. Instead this time bringing both of his own back to Tel's mane, twisting his fingers through the course dark hairs. "We will be there soon will we not?" He asked after a moment, noting Haldir's added tension, wondering what it was related to, yet not daring to ask.  
  
"Yes, we are almost there - look through those trees - that is the city gate. In five minutes we will be inside." Haldir halted Nim, and dismounted. "Let us walk the last minutes. This is our last opportunity to be alone." Haldir looked up at Elrohir, his eyes almost begging.  
  
Elrohir simply nodded, gently pulling Tel to a stop before slipping off of the mare's back, offering Haldir his hand. His fingers brushing gently along Haldir's thigh for a moment. "Walk with me?" He asked with a tired little smile.  
  
Without speaking, Haldir embraced Elrohir, capturing his lips in a kiss, long and tender, graduately deepening, holding him tightly. Finally he broke the kiss and buried his face deep into the curve between shoulder and neck - just stood there, holding him close, savouring the smell of him, stroking his fingers through his hair. He wished he could stay like that forever, not wanting to move, or let go of Elrohir - not knowing if he would ever get the chance to hold him again.   
  
Returning the embrace will equal force, Elrohir did not want it to end, did not want to enter the city right then, knowing that for all intents and purposes he would most likely be left alone to his thoughts once more. It was much easier to simply slip into the past, to forget the present and what had happened that way. Yet now he had a new memory to carry with him, and he was not sure how to interpret what had happened. Yes he still loved Shadow, knew that Haldir still loved another and yet... He kissed Haldir's jaw gently.  
  
Finally, not letting go of Elrohir, Haldir murmured softly: "I do not know what will happen to us when we arrive. You will go to your grandparents, and I will go to my talan. Tomorrow I probably must go back to my post, unless the guard rotation is changed. What will you be doing during your stay? Will I see you again?" The last words had a tinge of despair. Elrohir would become the lord again, moving in circles where Haldir the guard had no access. The thought of returning to his lonely life, only catching glimpses of this young, wonderful elf frightened him, and he held him even closer, pressing his face into his hair.  
  
"Can you stay?" Elrohir asked quietly, glad he did not have to meet Haldir's gaze. "I am sure it can be arranged that you stay at least for a little while... I... I would like your company for a little while longer if it is possible. I do not know what I will be doing, perhaps I will help out a little, then we may spend more time together, I know you have need of any who are willing to help." Elrohir rested his head on Haldir's shoulder, never wanting to let go.  
  
Elrohir's response made Haldir's heart jump - perhaps there was a chance that the young lord wanted to be with him after all? Feeling his eyes suddenly grow moist with emotion, he closed them tightly and nuzzled into Elrohir's hair. He did not understand his own reactions - why was he feeling so emotional? This was not Haldir the warrior. Waiting a little, to find his voice again, he finally whispered: "I would like that very much, lord Elrohir. If there is any chance of changing my watches, I will do it." Hesitantly, frightened of the response he would receive, he added slowly: "Would you like to come and visit me in my talan this evening? Then we could discuss it more."  
  
"The pleasure would be mine, Haldir." Elrohir answered, smiling to the wind and the trees. He wondered if he was using Haldir to distract himself from his thoughts and yet... Elrohir thought he heard and saw some of his own need in Haldir... No, he was not using the other, they were here, and they both knew the reasons why they were here, why they were together in the first place. It did not hurt to find comfort where one could get it, especially when it was needed for both of them. "Thank you Haldir."  
  
Sighing, Haldir began to disentangle himself from Elrohir's hair. He was glad that Elrohir would come to visit him, that thought would help him get through the ordeal he was about to face when he had to take Elrohir up to meet his Lord. He knew not what he would do about the watches though - he would probably need to persuade one of his brothers.   
  
He kissed Elrohir a last time, deep and passionate, holding him tight. Then he straightened his head and looked him in the eyes: "My talan lies near the city wall, not far from the guardroom. Just pass the large fountain and follow the little creek, then you will find it. I will talk to my brothers about the watches, and see what can be arranged. Now I must escort you up to the reception hall where you will meet the Lord and the Lady." With a loving look, he kissed Elrohir lightly on the tip of his nose.   
  
Returning the look for a moment before kissing Haldir gently on the lips, Elrohir nodded. "I can find my way, and if not, someone should know where the beautiful Guardian of the Wood lives." He smiled slightly, fingers caressing Haldir's face lovingly. "And what time should I come?" Elrohir asked quietly, reluctant to pull away.  
  
Leaning into the touch, Haldir could not resist nipping Elrohir's lips again - they were so tempting and tasted so good. He felt like a young elfling saying goodbye to his lover, never wanting to let go - and smiled a little to himself at that thought - knowing the moment they entered the city gates he would be the guard and Elrohir the lord, and it would be unseemly of them to behave this way - at least in public. Not able to take his mouth away from the sweet lips he murmured into them: "Come as soon as you can. I will be there."  
  
Elrohir smiled. "I will," he answered kissing Haldir again before reluctantly pulling away from those warm, protective arms with a sigh. "Come, Haldir of Lothlorien, before we can not leave each others arms." Elrohir blushed slightly at his own words, leaning against Tel.  
  
"Yes, you are right," Haldir smiled slightly, enjoying the light blush on Elrohir's face, thinking there was nothing he wanted more right then than to 'not' be able to leave his arms. Taking Elrohir's hand in his, he gently urged Nim along, intending to hold his hand until they entered the city gate.  
  
Giving the hand a squeeze, it was comforting to know that he was not alone. Not that he was really worried about meeting the Lord and the Lady, but it was more that Shadow kept coming back to his mind more often than not. Elrohir locked the thoughts away effectively, knowing now was not the time for such things, perhaps later. But later was Haldir's time - Elrohir looked forward to that more than he dared admit even to himself. 


	6. Part 6 The Welcome

Part 6 - The Welcome  
  
By Jaya and Blue  
  
  
  
Nothing was said as they made their way through the city towards the center of it. Elrohir did not know what to say, and it seemed to him that Haldir's thoughts grew darker as they went. It made him wonder of what he might be missing or have missed, but now was no longer the time to ask the questions that plagued his mind. So he kept silent, looking forward more and more to the evening that was to come, when it came. Though it was not as easy as he would have liked to put the thoughts of Shadow from his mind and what had happened, not when Haldir was not as near. There was something about the other elf that brought a bit of light into his life, that made it seem somehow easier.   
  
Before he knew it the steps were raising before him up to the talan above. He glanced over at Haldir but said nothing, giving him a little smile instead, as they left the horses in the care of one of the younger lads there.   
  
Haldir's heart had indeed grown heavier as they approached the large talan. He could think of nothing but how he would react seeing Celeborn again. His mouth was dry and his throat felt hoarse, and his whole body tense - one hand deeply buried in Nim's mane, the other tightly clenched by his side, to control the trembling. //Perhaps he is not there. Perhaps only the Lady is present...// The encouraging thought immediately drowned by a darker one: //What if his lover is there? Must I see them together?// His stomach heavy as a block of ice as he lifted his head looking up the winding stairway, unable to see who would be present in the reception hall.  
  
Looking over to Elrohir as they left their horses, Haldir's heart lifted for a brief moment by the little smile from him. He brushed his fingers casually against Elrohir's, giving them a little squeeze - it felt comforting knowing he was there. And later they would meet in his talan - he clung to this thought like a lifeline as they ascended the long stairs. Ashen pale, eyes wide with fear, he cast a last quick glance at Elrohir before turning his eyes to the ground as they entered the platform.  
  
Elrohir was not sure what thoughts were going through his own, or Haldir's mind right then, instead he turned his hand to catch Haldir's back giving it a comforting squeeze - at least he hoped that was what he gave him. Glancing up as they climbed, there were two figures just visible above them, their backs turned towards the two ascending the staircase. Elrohir recognized Celeborn but he could not tell who the other elf was, there was something familiar about him, yet at the same time... Pushing thoughts to the side, he would much rather simply have had Haldir show him to his talan instead of coming here, something in the air was not right. A quick glancing over at Haldir showed that it was not just himself having that thought, so did the other elf, perhaps even more so. Running a hand through his dark hair, taking a deep breath, he continued.  
  
Entering the platform, Haldir was relieved to find that the two elves had their backs turned to them, busily studying a large document laid out on a desk in the innermost corner. At the same time, his stomach heavy as stone seeing the same tall, dark-haired elf standing there with Celeborn, as he had seen that fateful morning. Taking on his most formal guardian stance, and staring stiffly into thin air, face void of expression, he took his position beside the entrance. With a flat voice, he announced: "My Lord, I present Lord Elrohir of Imladris."  
  
Celeborn stiffened for a moment as he heard Haldir's voice ring out clear and emotionless behind him announcing the arrival of Elrohir. He had not been expecting the youngest son of Elrond but neither had he quite been himself these last few days. While he had both longed and loathed to see Haldir again, he had not wanted it to be like this, under these circumstances, knowing that while at least Elrohir was here nothing could be said between them. When what he wanted to do most was pulling the Guardian into his arms, bring his lips to his and kiss him in a way he had never kissed anyone--well save maybe Tinendel, but that was something different all together.  
  
Tinendel had been eagerly studying the map Celeborn had spread over the desk, as he was pointing out areas of interest in Lothlorien and explaining changes and improvements done during his absence, when he heard Elrohir being announced. He turned to see the two elves by the door; pleased to recognize the young dark-haired elf as the son of Elrond, whom he had not seen since he was a young elfling running around with his twin brother, now fully grown and stunningly beautiful. Beside him stood the very guardian Celeborn had been pining over the last couple of days since that disastrous morning, equally handsome, tall and well build with silken light blond hair, midnight blue eyes and a strong chest. Oh yes, he could definitely understand what Celeborn saw in this one.  
  
Taking a moment to calm himself, pretending to still be looking at something on the map before slowly turning around, Celeborn smiled at Elrohir. Though it was more so that his gaze strayed to Haldir then it stayed on his young grandson. Not to say that it was not good to see him for it was, Celeborn walked over to put his hands on Elrohir's shoulders and smiled: "Welcome Elrohir, it has been too long since you were last in Lothlorien." Glancing past him. "I take it that Elladan did not accompany you this time?"   
  
Celeborn's gaze drifted to Haldir once more - he did not let it linger as long as he would have liked. Less so for Elrohir was speaking, he forced his attention back to his words. "... came on my own. Thank you for your hospitality, I do not know how long I will be staying, but I will be willing to help out should it be needed."   
  
Elrohir seemed to catch something he was missing but pushed it from his mind as his imagination, as he gave his grandfather a quick hug. Knowing that the not normally displayed affection would be over looked in this situation with only Haldir and the other elf present. Stepping back, Elrohir bowed slightly.  
  
Haldir kept his gaze firmly straight forward, not looking at anybody in the room, but could not help noticing from the corner of his eyes, that Celeborn cast him several glances. //Why is he doing that? Does it amuse him to see my pain?// His stomach twisted, even more so as he could also feel the eyes of the unknown elf on him. Haldir involuntarily clenched his wrists, already hating the other, not even knowing his name. All he wanted was to get out of there, he felt like suffocating. //Where is the Lady? Why is his lover here with him? Is it official?// The pain pierced him like an arrow, and he fought to stay in control, though he felt he was starting to tremble from the effort. Forcing himself to breathe normally, he concentrated on not moving a muscle, clenching his jaws tight shut.  
  
Elrohir did not notice Haldir's discomfort, his back slightly turned to the other elf, though he could feel the tension in the room between the three. He knew not the cause of it but it was there none the less, and he was glad when Celeborn spoke once more breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled between them.   
  
"Ah, forgive me my manners, Elrohir, this is an old friend of mine, Tinendel, my grandson Elrohir, Elrohir, Tinendel. And of course I believe Tinendel you know of Haldir, though I do not think the two of you have met yet."   
  
Tinendel gave Elrohir a wide smile, and shook his hand friendly, taking it in both his own. "It is a pleasure to meet you again, Elrohir. The last time I saw you, you only reached to my chin, and now you are almost taller than me."  
  
He then turned to Haldir, and still smiling took his hand and shook it. "I am pleased to meet you too, Haldir. I have heard much praise of you, the guardian of the wood." He noticed that Haldir did not return neither his look nor his handshake, only nodding formally with a void face and empty eyes. Tinendel sighed silently - obviously the guard was still very upset with what he had witnessed that morning. This would need to be dealt with quickly, for both Celeborn's and Haldir's sake.  
  
Celeborn's words stung in Haldir's chest. //So an old friend, is he? How long have they been lovers?//  
  
Haldir's whole body stiffened when Tinendel grasped his hand. He loathed the feel of his fingers on his skin. Although the other appeared friendly and gave him a wide smile, he hated him. Avoiding his eyes, he nodded most formally, "Thank you, my lord", inwardly gritting his teeth, aching to give him a fist between the eyes. //Get away from me!//  
  
Celeborn forced a smile on his face trying to keep his gaze from staying on Haldir too long. The guardian was uncomfortable, he did not want to be here, that much Celeborn could read, and it hurt even if he knew he deserved it. Turning his back on Elrohir and Haldir, for a moment eyes sliding closed he opened them to find Tinendel looking at him. Giving his friend a slight not before turning back. "Of course you must stay for dinner, undoubtedly it has been a long trip and you wish to rest, but perhaps a small repose?"   
  
Elrohir hesitated for a moment, glancing at Haldir, smiling slightly at him. "Forgive me, I would but I have already agreed to be entertained by Haldir's company this evening. Besides, it would seem that you have your own..."  
  
Celeborn glanced quickly between the two of them, his heart skipping a couple of beats as he wondered if there was something between the two of them. They were indeed both beautiful, though he could never see Elrohir in any other light than the little spindly boy who had once run through the golden wood with his brother. Shaking off the thought slightly, Celeborn pushed erotic thoughts of Elrohir and Haldir together from his mind. Had it been possible that he had indeed read Haldir totally wrong or... //Enough.//   
  
"I see, well then perhaps the following night then? What say you the four of us dine together?" Celeborn turned to Haldir with a slight smile. "I do hope that you will still be with us, or had you planned on returning to the borders once more?" Celeborn asked unable to keep the slight hopefulness from his voice. Not that he looked forward to the talk that he knew must come between them, but the thought of getting it over and done with, without having to dwell upon it for too much longer...  
  
Haldir started when Celeborn suddenly spoke to him, he had shut his mind out so effectively that he was almost not present mentally anymore. //What does he mean? Is he inviting me for dinner? To see him happy with his lover?!// Uncomprehending, his eyes involuntarily slid to Celeborn's for the briefest of moments - the second he met his gaze he fell drowning into those sky blue eyes that were piercing his heart; almost making him fall apart - then he tore his eyes away and his face returned to a stone mask, answering with a flat, metallic voice; "Yes, my Lord. If you say so my Lord, but I do believe I am on the roster for the watch tomorrow, my Lord."   
  
Elrohir sighed, but bit his tongue against saying what he wanted to say. He had hoped that Haldir planned on getting his schedule changed so that they could spend more time together.   
  
Celeborn's smile died on his lips at the cold tone in Haldir's voice, finally he just nodded turning away. "Then perhaps the three of us will, if you are so inclined as to join us Elrohir." His outlook had dimmed noticeably as he turned to them again picking up the glass of wine that sat on the table next to the map.   
  
Another glance at Haldir, Elrohir simply nodded, knowing that he would need to have dinner with his grandfather one of these days, tomorrow would do just as well as any other. At least at this point in time anyway. "I would like that." He replied quietly.  
  
Haldir returned Elrohir's glance swiftly, not wanting Celeborn to notice. He had answered as he did because he could not endure the torture of having a meal in the presence of these two lovers. But not wanting Elrohir to think he would not try to change watches, he gave him a tiny wink and a twitch at the corner of his mouth, before returning to stare blankly ahead as before.  
  
Elrohir saw it, but made no response - there was something here he was missing. He did not doubt that he would probably hit himself over the head for not noticing whatever it was when he found out -and he would find out eventually. Nor did he miss the fact that Celeborn's outlook seemed to dim even more as he looked away from Haldir to find the Lord of Lorien watching them with a quiet gaze. There was something deeper in his eyes, but before Elrohir had a chance to figure out what it might be, it was gone.   
  
Indeed Celeborn had caught the look and it only seemed to clarify everything he had thought before. Forcing it back he knew he had to remain in control. "Thank you for escorting my grandson here. You may leave now." He said quietly, addressing Haldir in an almost, but not completely neutral voice. "You are still invited to join us for the meal tomorrow, however - if you can not make it... it is understood." The words were out and said. Celeborn was not sure he could stand to have Haldir there as he was for much longer without loosing his control all together. He knew it was perhaps the coward's way to simply dismiss him, yet Haldir seemed to wish to be there no more than Celeborn wanted him to be.. Ne that was not the case... Celeborn wished him to be there, yet he could not seem to say anything right, especially not with the misunderstanding that still lay between them, nor could he escape from the images of his grandson and the one person he truly desired above all others together...   
  
Haldir quickly turned and headed for the stairs. Out of sight from the hall above, he could finally breathe again - the very relief of escaping that room almost made him collapse. He had intended to be stone cold - but the look into Celeborn' eyes had almost killed him, and the added agony of his lover standing there, staring intensely at him, taking in everything... Haldir had to support himself with both hands on the railing, his shaking legs would almost not carry him - his throat burning, breath hitching, eyes brimming with tears unshed ....  
  
Before reaching the forest floor, however, he had regained his control, and walked swiftly away towards the guardroom to find his brothers.  
  
Tinendel had said nothing, just stayed in the background observing everything, every glance, every movement. He had always had a keen eye for details, facial expressions and tones of voice - and the air in that room had been so heavy with things unsaid, it could have been cut with a knife.  
  
He had noticed the quick exchanges between the guard and Elrond's son, the looks, the sigh, the wink - not to mention the unusual fact that the young lord intended to dine with the guard - there was a connection between these two that required examination. The fact that the guardians eyes had widened to black when meeting Celeborn's eyes, contradicting the ice in his voice, had not escaped him, neither had Celeborn's changing expressions - he knew him well enough to know he was in deep agony.   
  
They had retired into the library, Elrohir talking with his grandfather for a while, but Tinendel had been mostly quiet, contemplating what had passed in the reception hall. When Elrohir finally took his leave of Celeborn, Tinendel stayed. He had a feeling Celeborn might be needing him 


	7. Part 7 Troubled Hearts

Part 7 - Troubled Hearts  
  
By Jaya and Blue  
  
  
Celeborn felt slightly bad that he was so relieved when Elrohir left them, leaning back in the seat, letting his eyes slide closed as his grandson left the room. There was something dark that hung in the air over Elrohir's head as well, though he had not spoken of it. It was still obvious, Celeborn knew he would have to try and get it out of him sooner or later. But so far Elrohir had deflected all his discreet inquires with surprising ease. Slowly bringing his hand to his face, Haldir and all that had happened flashing before his closed eyes, bringing back all the hurt that had come with it. He felt like crying, though he did not let the tears come, nor did he turn to look at Tinendel though he knew that the other elf was still in the room. //I cannot do this.// He thought pressing the heel of his hand against his eyes  
  
Tinendel sat in the other chair, looking intently at his dear friend. He could imagine how he felt, Celeborn had never been good at hiding things from him, and he could read in his face that his heart was breaking after having seen Haldir being so cold to him. Also he suspected that Celeborn might have felt the connection between the guard and Elrohir just as strongly as he did. When he saw the lord press his hands against his face, Tinendel carefully moved his chair up to sit right next to Celeborn, and without speaking he softly pulled him close, stroking his hair with one hand, stroking his back with the other, to provide some silent comfort.  
  
Celeborn did not fight as Tinendel pulled him close; he was one of the few who understood what he felt, always had. Still nothing was said as he moved closer to press his face against Tinendel's neck, body shaking slightly as the tears finally came. It had been pent up for so long, ever since the incident that Haldir had run away from.  
  
Holding him tightly, Tinendel pressed his face down in Celeborn's hair, kissing it softly, nuzzling into it. Whispering soothing words with no meaning, he stroke his hands slowly up and down his back, tangling them into his hair, wishing there was something he could do to ease his pain, but at the same time knowing that Celeborn really needed this, he had held back far too long. The room was silent, save the soft, muffled sobs coming from the silver-haired elf as Tinendel held him and simply let him cry.  
  
It was some time before Celeborn finally settled down, though he did not move from the safe embrace of those arms. "You saw it did you not?" Celeborn asked finally, softly, lifting his head a little from Tinendel's shoulder resting his cheek there instead.  
  
Looking at Celeborn with great tenderness, Tinendel gently raised a hand to stroke damp strands of hair from his wet face, then proceeded to wipe some of the tears away from his cheeks, softly kissing his forehead. Still holding his other arm around him, he hugged him tight. "Yes", Tinendel whispered, "I saw it too. What will you do?"  
  
"Is there anything I can do?" Celeborn asked finally, closing his eyes. "Perhaps I was mistaken in thinking what I thought, I only imagined what I thought I saw..." Yet even now he could not quite bring himself to believe it, he needed to talk to Haldir. But the thought of meeting that cold voice once more, the stone image that had been warm and soft before, brought a few new tears to his eyes.  
  
"There, there." Tinendel bent down to softly kiss the tears away, his heart bleeding for the pain in his dear friend's eyes. "I think the problem is that you do not know. You only think you do... You must find out what he really feels for you - and most important, you must let him know how you feel. I think all this is based on you two misunderstanding each other."  
  
"And what if I was wrong? Then what? What if he turns away form me, what then should I do?" Celeborn asked softly, refusing to look into Tinendel's eyes, unable to bear what he might see there. He was tempted, sorely tempted, to simply loose himself in his friend, but he would not do so knowing he would only be using Tinendel and denying himself at the same time.  
  
"At least then you will know, and be able to move on. You cannot go on like this. This not knowing is breaking your heart." Tinendel whispered, pressing his face to Celeborn's cheek, tenderly kissing a stray tear from the corner of Celeborn's eye, nuzzling into him. He was almost overwhelmed by a wave of tenderness for him, reminding him of the feelings they used to have for each other when they were lovers long ago. In Tinendel, those feelings had never died.  
  
Simply letting Tinendel do what he liked, Celeborn said nothing for a long time knowing his friend cared and worried. Yet he did not know what to say that would make it better, Tinendel knew too well what was going on inside his mind already. "I will talk to him tonight then." He said finally, with a soft sigh.  
  
"How will you do that?" Suddenly remembering what Elrohir had said, Tinendel was almost afraid to remind Celeborn. "Your grandson will be there." He folded both his arms around the other elf's shoulders and pulled him as close as he could, resting his forehead on Celeborn's, softly rubbing their noses together, as they had used to do long ago. "He should not know about this."   
  
Celeborn swallowed, unable to help but meet Tinendel's gaze. "Then I will go later after he should have left... I do not know how much longer I can wait without going mad." He bit his lower lip refusing to think about the other possibility; that Elrohir would still be there when he arrived. Celeborn could not think of that, he would indeed go crazy if he were to dwell on it for too long.  
  
Tinendel looked deep into Celeborn's eyes and could read his thoughts in their depths. "You fear he will not have left," he whispered. "What is between them? Have they been close before?" Seeing the sky blue eyes clouded by pain again, he immediately regretted his words, and closing his eyes he pressed his face against the other.  
  
"Not that I know of." Celeborn admitted, glad for a break from those eyes as they closed. "Yet, I would be a fool to ignore what I have seen between the two of them. If I am wrong, if it was indeed Elrohir that Haldir longed after, and not I? I do not know what to think..." It hurt even to say it, his voice broke slightly as he did so.  
  
"Shhh, love, do not weep again, lest I start too," Tinendel murmured into his face, kissing more stray tears away. He trembled slightly, his pain and concern for Celeborn, and the intense emotional closeness they shared, caused the suppressed feelings for his old lover to wake again, and he feared the pain that inevitably would cause him. He had never stopped loving Celeborn, although he had left him at one point, because he could not resist his need for adventure - but in his heart he had wanted Celeborn to ask him to stay with him. His lover had not asked him that, and he had left for a while, intending to come back to him again - but when he did, the fair Galadriel had come to Doriath, and Celeborn's heart had been taken.   
  
Letting his own eyes closed Celeborn finally nodded slightly, though the question had not been answered. He knew there was no good answer for it, knew he did not know what he would do were it to be shown impossible. Pushing the thought from his mind all together, it would not go away completely but as best he could. "Thank you my friend." Celeborn whispered, closing the distance between them to kiss Tinendel gently on the lips. "I know not what I would have done had you not been here." He ignored the fact that this would most likely not have happened if Tinendel had not been here.  
  
Feeling Celeborn's lips on his own made Tinendel tremble, and he returned the kiss with passion, trying to ignore the nagging thought that he was just exploiting that Celeborn was emotionally unstable at the moment. //No, I am not using him. I love him.// There, now he had admitted to himself what he had not dared to admit before, although he would still not admit why he had come to Lorien this time, not even to himself. Raining butterfly kisses all over Celeborn's face he asked slowly; "Do you want me to talk to Haldir for you? Then you would not need to go."  
  
It was a tempting though,t much more so than he cared to admit even to himself, but he simply caught Tinendel's eyes. That look nearly made him say yes, but he did not. "No, I must do it for myself. It would not help matters were you to go to him to try and talk to him." He said softly.  
  
"Probably not," Tinendel admitted, nuzzling deep into Celeborn's hair. "I could sense his resentment - I think he hates me, and blames me for his own misery." At least it had seemed like misery when he had seen him in the doorway that morning, although he was growing more uncertain now, thinking about Celeborn's theory that he had loved Elrohir all along. "Perhaps... no it is nothing. Elrohir must not know."  
  
"He will not, if we can keep him from knowing." Celeborn agreed quietly standing up, pulling away from Tinendel as he did so. Walking over to the window, with a sigh. "But it might not be possible to keep him from knowing all together..."  
  
Tinendel rose too, coming over to stand beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder: "I promise I will try to shield him. But there might come a time when we will have to tell him. Please let me help you to sort this out." Leaning his head to Celeborn's shoulder, he stared out the window.  
  
Celeborn simply nodded slightly with a sigh. "He will but we must wait and see, there is something around him, something that speaks of much sorrow." He replied, closing his eyes as he stared out into the forest not really seeing it.  
  
"Yes, I noticed there is a grief in him. Perhaps it might have something to do with him coming here alone. He would not speak of it, though..." Tinendel agreed, stroking Celeborn's hair slowly.  
  
"Aye I noticed." Celeborn replied leaning against Tinendel with a quiet sigh. "It seems that there is more sadness than there is joy at the moment." He was quiet for a time. "Perhaps you should speak to him, he might be more willing to speak to you where he would not to me."  
  
"I think that goes for us all", Tinendel whispered, mostly to himself. "There is no real happiness in any of us..." Closing his eyes tight, he tried not to think of the memories that threatened to surface. Sighing, he turned to Celeborn, nuzzling into his hair: "I will try to speak with him, perhaps when he is coming here to dine tomorrow? He used to like talking to me when he was a child."  
  
Celeborn gave his friend a quizzical look wondering what sorrow it was he spoke of that he had not before mentioned. He had not seen it in his eyes when he arrived, yet he wondered now if he had been too distracted by his own pain. Celeborn brought his hand up to brush Tinendel's cheek gently. "Thank you," he said quietly, again.  
  
"You are welcome." //My love// Tinendel added silently to himself. He had nothing more to say, simply stood there feeling Celeborn close to him, leaning into his touch. Looking deep into the sky blue eyes of the silver-haired elf next to him, he finally let his emotions take over, and leaned over to kiss Celeborn tenderly on the lips, closing his eyes.   
  
There was not much more to be said, it was understood between them - though perhaps not in the way Celeborn though it was. He did however return the kiss with tender passion, the way they had once kissed before. Only this time it would not lead to anything more. 


	8. Part 8 A guest for dinner

Part 8 - A guest for dinner  
  
  
Haldir walked swiftly along the path leading to the guardhouse, in search of his brothers. He felt exhausted, both mentally and physically, after the strain he had been under during the ordeal in the reception hall. His control had not slipped until he accidentally had met Celeborn's eyes for just a second - oh those eyes, they had almost undone him - but fortunately he had managed to look away and regain his control before breaking down. Thinking about Celeborn's lover, boldly standing so close to him, even in public, infuriated him - he had even had the gall to touch him - involuntarily Haldir rubbed his hand on his tunic, as if trying to remove the feel of those fingers. The increasing anger, tinged with pain and bitterness towards Celeborn, made him desperately want to forget the whole thing ever happened. He needed distraction, and looked forward to seeing his brothers again.   
  
Besides, he would meet Elrohir again soon, and that thought lifted his heart. Memories of him, his hair, his face, his laughter, their morning in the talan - began to fill his mind, gradually suppressing his troubled thoughts. Yes, they would meet again in his talan this evening, they would share a meal, and then... thoughts of those sweet lips filled his head, making him inadvertently lick his lips and smile in anticipation. Now, if he could only find his brothers to change his watches for tomorrow and perhaps even more days - he longed to spend as much time as possible with Elrohir. Suddenly seeing both his brothers emerging from the guardhouse, he smiled and waved at them. "Hi, Rumil and Orophin!"  
  
Orophin gave a start hearing his name, and looked in the direction of the voice. "Oh, hello little brother," he smiled widely, and gave Haldir a quick hug. "I did not know you had come back."  
  
Taking his brothers place to pull Haldir into a tight hug, Rumil studied him for a moment before messing up his hair with a slight grin. "What brings you back brother?" He asked casually. "We had not thought to see you for some time the way you left."  
  
Returning the hug with a little smile, Haldir asked, suspicious: "What do you mean the way I left? I did not leave my post, I was sent to collect some documents, which I did."  
  
"You may be able to hide from others but we are you brothers you know." Rumil replied, arm hooking around his shoulder. "Now come tell us what has brought you back?"  
  
Haldir looked from Rumil to Orophin, studying their eager faces, and sighed. Folding an arm around each of them he smiled slightly: "I am starving. Why can we not get something to eat, and then we can talk?"  
  
"Yes, that was just what I wanted to suggest," Orophin chimed in, looking at Rumil. "What do you say, big brother, should we bring some food from the canteen up to Haldir's talan? It is the nearest."  
  
"Yes, come on, Rumil", Haldir added, "and bring some wine too."  
  
Rumil laughed throwing his hands into the air with a look at the two of them. "Go on you two, I will go find us something to eat, and bring it up. I am sure Orophin can keep you occupied until I get there." he added winking at Haldir. "But do not think that you are going to get out of talking to us."  
  
With a smile and a wink, Haldir placed a hand on his shoulder. "Bring some extra. We will have a guest later."  
  
Orophin gave him a surprised look: "Who then?"  
  
"I will tell you later", Haldir smiled. "Come on now."  
  
Rumil arched an eyebrow at that, but shrugged pushing the two of them down the path. "I will be there in a little bit." He gave Haldir a smirk. "With extra, for whoever it is that will be joining us." Tucking a strand of hair back away from his face, before turning away to get the before mentioned food.  
  
Orophin tried to get his brother to tell him who the mysterious guest would be, but Haldir just smiled and would not answer, so in the end he shrugged, and continued to tell about the skirmish he had had with a couple of orcs the day before. Standing on the floor of Haldir's talan, Orophin was in the middle of a vivid rendition of how he had decapitated the last orc, when they saw Rumil coming towards them with two baskets, one with food and the other with wine bottles.  
  
"Finally," Haldir laughed when he saw him. "Come and save me from your brother's stories!"  
  
Orophin gave him an offended snort and turned his back on him, arms folded over his chest.   
  
"From our brother's stories do you mean?" Rumil asked with an amused grin, setting the baskets down on the small table with a chuckle. "I think not, you leave him with me long enough, you should have to endure some of his stories for a time." Rumil winked at Orophin, flopping down into a seat with a tired yawn, stretching for a moment. "So when is this mysterious guest of yours arriving?"  
  
Haldir was busy going through the baskets, placing the contents out on the table. "He is not mysterious," he said finally. "He is simply a friend of ours - one of Elrond's twins. He came here alone, and would like some company."  
  
"Oh really?" Rumil said lifting his head from where he had let it fall back with a grin. "What kind of company is the young son of Elrond after, pray tell brother?" He asked with a teasing grin. "Or is that something we may not know?"  
  
Not looking at his brothers, Haldir pretended to busy himself with the plates of food, turning slowly pink all the way up to the tip of his ears. "I do not know what you mean." he mumbled embarrassed.  
  
Orophin, who had been sitting sulking in his chair, lit up by the sight of his brother. "Ha ha, look at him! I do believe he is blushing.!"  
  
"I do believe you are right." Rumil agreed sitting forward laughing. "Come Haldir, do tell us! And you must not leave anything out." He chuckled. "It has indeed been too long, especially for you."  
  
"Too long for what?" Haldir mumbled, mortified, fumbling frantically with a wine bottle, unable to open it, finally giving up and setting it down on the table, knocking over one of the glasses. "I have no idea what you are talking about."  
  
"Since you had sex, or did anything with anyone." Rumil replied smirking, raking fingers through his hair. "Is that explicit enough for you, brother, or perhaps we have to show you."  
  
Haldir straightened up and gave Rumil an offended look, still quite pink. "And since when was my love life any of your business, dear brother?"  
  
Orophin burst out in guffawing laughter. "Look at him," he pointed, " he looks like a raspberry!" He collapsed in his chair, wiping his eyes.  
  
"Most definitely he does." Rumil agreed, laughing as he leaned back in the seat. "So is he good, brother?" Rumil asked watching Haldir with a grin. It was definitely fun to make his brother blush, especially when there was good reason to do so.  
  
"Oh, cut it out you two," Haldir grumbled, turning his back to them, attempting to open the wine bottle again. "Why do you think there is something like that?"  
  
"Because of the way you are blushing, and because of the way you are acting." Rumil said promptly. "You never act like this unless something is up, so out with it. Or perhaps we shall have to tickle it out of you!" He threw Orophin a look.  
  
"Yes, most certainly we shall," Orophin sniggered, and scrambled to his feet. "You cannot have any secrets for us."  
  
"Hey wait," Haldir cried out, hurriedly hiding behind the table. "I am certainly not blushing! And what do you mean, 'acting like that'? I do not like your questions about my sex life, that is all."  
  
"Since when have you had a sex life brother? You have been with maybe two people in the course of the last five years, if ever even that, I would hardly call that a sex life... However, that does seem to imply that you 'have' done something!" Rumil stood up and moved towards Haldir with an evil little grin. "So come and tell us."  
  
"Oh yes, he has definitely done something. He has never even used the term 'my sex life' before," Orophin laughed, closing in on his brother, following him around the table.  
  
"Leave me be!, Haldir yelled, trying to escape between them to the door.  
  
Rumil quickly jumped over the chair to move between him and the door, blocking his escape. "You are not going anywhere, brother, until you tell us just what is going on." He said laughing as he slowly advanced towards Haldir.  
  
Orophin attacked Haldir from the flank, trying to grab him, forcing him into a corner.   
  
"Get away from me, you ... you orcs, " Haldir laughed, stumbling over a chair trying to escape Orophin, falling on his back.  
  
Pouncing on him Rumil made sure to pin him to the floor, sitting on his legs reaching up to try and grab his hands so that he could not get away. "Come on Orophin." Rumil said laughing as he glanced over at his brother.  
  
Desperate, Haldir flung his arms about, trying to get a hold on any of his brothers. "Stop it...stop...it!"  
  
Orophin took a dive and landed on his chest, knocking the air out of him, grabbing for the flailing arms, pinning them to the floor with his arms and legs, and smirked to Rumil: "He is all yours now, brother!"  
  
Letting Orophin take care of Haldir's arms Rumil began to tickle the poor elf mercilessly, unable to help but laughing as he did so.  
In the meanwhile, Orophin intensified the attacks from the other end, tickling violently everywhere he could reach.  
  
"No..ho...o...sto...hoo...op ... ooh... " Haldir gasped, laughing so hard he was sobbing, writhing helplessly under his brother' ruthless tickling "...I ...am... goin... to..o... wet ...my... pa...hants... sto.. op..!!"  
  
Finally Rumil rolled over onto the floor, laughing too hard to continue, tears coming down his cheeks.  
Giggling helplessly, Orophin lost his hold on Haldir's arms, and was promptly thrown of his chest, landing in a chuckling heap in a corner.  
  
Gasping, Haldir lay limp on the floor, trying to catch his breath, wiping his eyes, still laughing. "Why are you so cruel to me? Thanks to you I now have to change my clothes..." he managed, before launching into another fit of laughter.  
  
"Now you need to tell us what is going on." Rumil replied, between breaths and laughter, an arm flopping across Haldir's waist. "Or must we go at it again?"  
  
Crawling back to them, Orophin collapsed beside Haldir. "Yes, tell us, brother. We 'know' that something has happened."  
  
"No, please, you are killing me," Haldir cried, pretending to be scared, still out of breath. "Just let me recover first," he pleaded.  
  
"What, and give you a chance to think of some way to get out of it?" Rumil asked, chuckling. "I think we had better not do that. Come brother, the sooner you tell us the sooner it will be over."  
  
"All right, I give up", Haldir sighed. "Just ask, and I will answer. What do you want to know?"  
  
"Everything." Rumil answered with a knowing grin. "Details, Haldir." he tickled his brother lightly. "Tell us."  
  
"No, stop!... Haldir yelled. "All right, I like him - are you happy now?"  
  
"That was 'not' details, younger brother." Rumil said rolling over to pin Haldir to the ground. "I said details, and that does mean details."  
  
"Like when did you two get together?" Orophin added, poking him in the side. "I did not even know you knew him that well."  
  
Suddenly serious, Haldir looked from one brother to the other. "You know not all that has happened, and I know not whether I am able to tell you everything. It has all been so difficult..." Sighing, he sat up, looking down in his lap. "Tis true that I met him when he arrived at the border, and I escorted him here. He has been very kind to me, and I like him very much - and I would like to continue seeing him while he is here."  
  
Slowly sitting up Rumil leaned against the wall hand coming up to whip tears of mirth from his own cheeks. His expression a little more serious this time as he reached over to touch Haldir's cheek gently. "I think it would be good for you to see more of him, but come, you can speak to us of what has happened. What troubles you Haldir?"  
  
For a long time, Haldir sat looking down on his hands, then finally he said softly: "It is very hard for me to speak of it. Perhaps I will, little by little, but it pains me to think of it. I have been taking all these extra watches the last days because I was heavy of heart, and needed time to think. Elrohir also have had a painful experience, and he has come here to recuperate. During our travel through the wood, we have talked much, and helped start the healing of our hearts. Being with him makes me happy, and I think it makes him happy too. We need to continue being together, to have the support of each other." Shaking his head slowly, he fingered his disheveled hair.   
  
There was silence in the room for a time, the mood having broken a little, Rumil finally nodded. Leaning over to kiss Haldir on the top of his head. "Should you wish to speak of it more to us, you know we will listen, brother, and do what we can," he said with a little smile, standing up and offering Haldir his hand. "Now come, what say you we open a bottle of this wine, while we wait for...." His gaze strayed to the door, and the hesitant figure that stood in it.  
  
Orophin embraced Haldir and hugged him tight, before letting go and standing up. "Our brother is right, you know. Come and talk to us when you need help." Noticing Rumil stopping in mid-sentence, he turned his head to the door. "Oh, hello, lord Elrohir. Please come in. It is a pleasure to see you."  
  
Haldir's head turned quickly when he heard Elrohir mentioned, and he hurriedly got to his feet, smiling at Elrohir.  
  
Elrohir smiled slightly, a little uncertain at the three brothers, feeling a bit like he had interrupted something he should not have. Nodding to Orophin. "Just Elrohir here, please." He replied quietly, tucking a dark strand of hair back away from his face. "I know I came a bit early but I had nothing else to do and I..." He glanced down at the floor not sure why he was feeling so uncertain about everything, he'd never felt like this before except with... //No I will not.// Elrohir pushed the thought from his mind.  
  
"Come in." Rumil said before Haldir could, walking over to pull him into the room.   
Still smiling, Haldir walked over to Elrohir and gave him a tight hug. "I am so glad to see you, " he whispered. "It is all right, my brothers know about us." Leading him over to the table, discreetly pulling up an overturned chair, he waved his hand at his brothers. "You already know Orophin and Rumil well. They will have dinner with us, if that is all right with you."  
  
"As am I to see you, and of course I do not mind." Elrohir replied his smile for Haldir.  
  
"Rumil," Orophin whispered quite loudly, "come and help me open the wine."  
Rumil made a face at Orophin but walked over to join his brother, giving the two of them a little bit of privacy, giving Elrohir a wink that made him blush a little.   
  
"Are you feeling awkward about my brothers being here?" Haldir asked almost inaudible. "Are you tired perhaps? I could ask them to leave if you feel weary. I know I am after our travel." Looking at Elrohir with a gentle smile, he stroke his cheek.  
  
"Perhaps a little tired." Elrohir replied leaning into the gentle touch, with a smile. "But they do not need to go if they do not wish, I do not mind the company." He leaned forward to brush a soft kiss against Haldir's lips.   
  
Haldir returned the kiss with full force, holding him tight. Still smiling, he murmured into the soft lips: "I really am very glad to have you here. I have been thinking about you. Did you hear what I told my brothers?"  
  
"They are worried about you." Elrohir commented softly, leaning against Haldir for a little while. "However I am glad to be here..."  
  
"But did you hear what I told them? That being with you made me happy?" Haldir insisted.  
  
"Aye I did." Elrohir whispered looking up into his eyes for the first time, a hint of blush creeping up his cheeks. "I could say the same of you." He added quietly, moving to rest his head on Haldir's shoulder.  
Haldir just cradled him tight, not saying anything, smiling happily.  
  
"Lord...eh...Elrohir and Haldir, dinner is served," Orophin said, gently touching Haldir's shoulder. "Why not come now, while the food is still warm?", he smiled kindly, and showed them towards the table.  
  
Pulling away from Haldir slightly, Elrohir smiled at Orophin and Rumil feeling more comfortable here then he had in a long time at least with anyone other then Haldir. He caught Rumil's returning smile, as he pulled Haldir down onto the couch with himself.   
"Wine for all." Rumil commented coming over with four glasses, passing them around to each.  
  
After having wined and dined, and then wined some more, everybody were happily talking and laughing. Finally, Orophin stood up, tugging Rumil's arm. "It is getting late, so I think we should leave now, brother." Turning to Haldir, seeing him and Elrohir gazing into each others' eyes, he added: "What would you say, Haldir, if Rumil and I took your watches the next few days? You have been working far too much lately, and need to rest."  
  
Rumil laughed. "A rest, I doubt he will get much of a rest." He winked at Orophin, but nodded in agreement. "But still I believe you are right Orophin." Standing up Rumil yawned. "We will take your next few shifts and you will enjoy the time off, no arguing."  
  
Elrohir was blushing but more from a bit too much wine, his mind slightly fogged, did not register the words until after they were said. He gave Rumil a rather evil look. "Careful, or you might not get him back." He commented with a smirk of his own.  
  
Laughing, Haldir hooked his arms around Elrohir and gave him a passionate kiss. "Oh yes, I would like that," he grinned. Turning to his brothers, he gave them a grateful smile. "Thank you, my brothers, you are so kind to me." Standing up he gave each of his brothers a big hug.  
  
Orophin, returning the hug, winked at him: " You deserve it, brother." Nudging his side with his elbow and winking, he added mischievously: "And you need it too."  
  
Elrohir watched the brothers with a little smile, not moving to join him, staying where he was on the couch leaning back, feeling definitely more than a little drunk. Fingers tangled in his rather messed up dark hair.   
  
"I am glad you agree, or we would have had to tickle you into submission again." Rumil commented laughing as he pulled Haldir into another tight hug. Turning to Elrohir as he let his brother go. "Take care of him for us."   
"I will." Elrohir replied blushing some more.  
  
Haldir followed his brothers to the door, hugging them both once more, and closed the door behind them. Coming back to the table, he sat down next to Elrohir again, pulled him close in a tender kiss, and lifted his glass: "I have probably had too much wine already, but I would just like to make a toast for us, Elrohir. Thanks to my brothers we will now have several days together, free to do whatever we want." Smiling widely, he nipped at Elrohir's ear and held his glass up.  
  
"We could always share a glass, and then you would not have to drink a whole another one." Elrohir murmured softly, leaning forward to kiss Haldir gently on the lips. "Remind me to thank your brothers properly later when I am not half drunk and slightly afraid I will fall over if I try and stand up." His eyes were laughing though, as he raised his glass to Haldirs. "To you and to me." He said softly, before downing what was left in the glass in one drink.  
  
"To you and me, Elrohir, " Haldir whispered, emptying his glass, and then embracing Elrohir in a big warm hug, tenderly nuzzling into his hair. "I am so glad you are here with me."  
  
Elrohir did not say anything, setting his glass down as he moved into the hug, leaning against Haldir. Nothing needed to be said, each knew they needed the other, at least in this point and time; that was enough. Elrohir closed his eyes for the moment, content to simply be with Haldir, lost in his warm sweet embrace. 


	9. Part 9 Nightfall cut version

LORD AND GUARDIAN  
Written by Jaya and Blue  
  
Part 9 - Nightfall  
  
(The original chapter 9 is the story's ultimate "smut-chapter" - stricktly NC-17 for lots and lots of specific, grafical sex scenes between consenting males. If you want to read the original chapter 9, go to default chapter 0 for link to archive site. Please come back afterwards to leave review.)  
  
  
  
After Haldir's two brothers had left, Elrohir sat with Haldir for a time, neither of them saying anything. Finally Elrohir chuckled softly, feeling better than he had in a long time. //Definitely drunk// he thought to himself, running a hand through his messed up hair, pulling away so that he could look at Haldir, a slow grin spreading across his face. "Do you like being tickled?" He asked - a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.  
  
"Ai, no, not you too!" Haldir laughed, pretending to move away from Elrohir. The room swam a little before his eyes and he felt warm and giddy. Giggling slightly, he poked Elrohir in the side. "But I am sure you like it."  
  
"Oh no you do not!" Elrohir batted at Haldir's hand, making a face at him ending up landing more on top of Haldir then farther away from him when he tried to pull away. "I get enough of that from Elladan."  
  
"Then you should be careful what you ask for," Haldir grinned, hooking an arm around Elrohir dragging him tighter, while continuing poking his ribs and evading his arms.  
  
Elrohir made a soft sound, trying to tickle Haldir back when he found he could not get away from his invasions, collapsing finally into giggles as he curled up against the other elf. "Haldir pllleeassee!"  
Rolling over on his back on the couch with Elrohir on top of him, Haldir could do nothing but giggle helplessly, folding both his arms around the young elf to hold him at bay.  
  
Curling up on top of him Elrohir suddenly became more aware of Haldir's warm heated body near his own than he had been all night. Perhaps it had been the presence of his brothers, the distraction of the conversation and the wine that had kept him from really noticing it or his own reaction all night, but now... Now, Elrohir groaned softly snuggling closer against Haldir.  
  
Feeling the warm body pressing close to him made Haldir feel the same way, and he lifted Elrohir's face to his own with both hands and kissed him rather passionately, shifting under him to move his body even more on top of him.  
  
The two elves quickly became very excited, and dropped their clothes all over the room as they moved to Haldir's bed, where they made passionate love. Afterwards they talked.  
  
Haldir turned towards Elrohir and nuzzled into his cheek and hair, snuggling against him holding him with both arms. "I want to stay here forever", Haldir sighed content, covering him with tender light kisses. "My love..."  
  
Elrohir had nothing to say to the gentle, sweet words, nothing would come, except the tears that pricked his eyes. Pressing his face against Haldir's chest, Elrohir sighed softly kissing skin with parted lips still trying to catch his breath. "I will stay with you love." He whispered ever so softly.  
  
With great tenderness Haldir gently lifted Elrohir's face toward his, kissed him tenderly on the lips and looked deep into his eyes: "I think I am falling in love with you," he whispered with moist eyes, "I cannot help it... I am sorry..."   
  
Elrohir did not say anything at first not sure he could, touched by the words that scared him as well. He knew he cared for Haldir deeply and always would but he was not sure he could love him the way he knew that Haldir meant it, not again, after what had happened. Finally simply pressing a finger to Haldir's lips Elrohir blinked back tears shaking his head slightly. "No love... you cannot love me; you and I both know that I cannot stay here, and where you to love me it would only make it harder. You love another Haldir, I am only an available substitute nothing more."  
  
Sighing heavily, Haldir looked down. "I do not think I love that person anymore. He has never loved me, and I have been a fool to think about him at all". Gently, he kissed Elrohir along his jaw, then on his cheeks, and finally on both eyelids, light as a feather. "I know you love another; Elrohir, and I know you have to leave sooner or later. I... I did not chose to let my feelings awaken, they just did." Whispering now, pressing his face close to Elrohir's: "I will not ask anything of you, my love, only that you let me stay with you for as long as you need me..." He hid his face in Elrohir's hair, not wanting him to see the tears that filled his eyes, just wanting to feel his body close to him.  
  
Elrohir did not have to see the tears to know they were there, so he said nothing more, arms tightening around the other elf. Part of him wished that he could have loved Haldir first, that perhaps they could have been happy even being apart as they would be a good deal of the time. Yet it had not happened that way and so there was no reason to dwell on it. He wanted to ask who it was that Haldir had longed after with such passion, wondered what had happened that had caused him such hurt. "Shhh... As long as I am here you are welcome to be with me," he said softly, promise written in his voice, and he meant it. Turning his head Elrohir's lips brushed along Haldir's cheek gently, along his face to his ear, arms still tight around him.  
  
Still fighting the tears that threatened to overcome him, Haldir whispered shakingly: "Please love me tonight... hold me and make love to me like I was the one you truly love..." His hands tightened around Elrohir, hiding his face even deeper in his hair. "I need you so..."  
  
"Look at me, love." Elrohir murmured quietly, nuzzling at Haldir's neck a little. "You do not have to hide your tears from me, you have seen enough of mine already." His hand came up to brush gently against Haldir's cheek.  
  
Haldir slowly lifted his head from Elrohir's hair and gazed at him with a look filled with love and affection. Warm tears escaped from both his eyes and trickled down, dripping on Elrohir's cheek. "I will not hide from you, my love..." Bending down to tenderly kiss his lips, brushing a wet cheek along Elrohir's face, he mumbled: "Please love me tonight."  
  
"Aye I will..." Elrohir whispered gently drawing Haldir's lips to his own for a gentle loving kiss, his eyes and actions saying more then his words might. Pulling away as he moved to kiss Haldir's tears away. "Smile for me." He said softly, rolling Haldir over on his back.  
  
"Give me a moment..." Returning the tender kiss, Haldir murmured against Elrohir's lips: "I am sorry I am so emotional... it is the wine... sorry I have dampened the mood..." He felt stupid, weeping like this - but it was not all due to the wine. Something was happening in his heart that he could not control, and emotions he had hid for many years were surfacing.  
  
Elrohir lead the gentle kiss, hands coming to cup Haldir's face gently. "You do not have to explain yourself to me." He whispered softly - breathlessly - after a long couple of moments, letting one of his hands slide slowly down from Haldir's face along his exposed side, just touching gently.  
  
Extremely sensitive to Elrohir, Haldir closed his eyes. Lifting his arms to Elrohir's shoulders, he let one slowly slide down to the small of his back and rested it there, wanting to forget himself in his lover's touch.   
  
Sigh softly into the touch, Elrohir's lips moved down away from Haldir's gently along his jaw and neck, nibbling lightly at smooth skin. He would love Haldir as he had asked but not just because he had asked, also because he knew what it was like to need like that, because he could feel his own heart reaching out to Haldir's as he knew Haldir was reaching out to him. Elrohir knew it must be harder for Haldir, knowing his love and knowing that he would always be around, while at least Elrohir did not have to deal with the pressure of seeing and not being able to have, just the not knowing  
  
For Haldir, loving Elrohir was somewhat similar to loving Celeborn. True, Elrohir was here with him, sharing his body with him, making love to him - but he knew that he did not love him just like Celeborn did not love him. During their ride to the city Haldir had allowed himself to hope that perhaps one day he might have a love of his own, feeling his heart stir every time he looked at Elrohir, but he was getting more realistic now. It seemed it would always be his fate to love somebody who could not love him back, but at least Elrohir was here with him, and Haldir was grateful for that.   
  
"I do love you Haldir." Elrohir mumbled quietly, lavishing Haldir's neck with his tongue feeling the pulse of Haldir's blood beneath his questing tongue.   
  
"Do you?" Haldir could not hide the hope in his voice, although he feared Elrohir did not mean it. Lifting one of his hands up to stroke the dark hair away from his lovers face, he pulled his face gently down to his own and kissed the sweet lips tenderly.  
  
It was not that Elrohir did not mean it but more that perhaps it was not that he meant it in the way that Haldir might wish he did - not in the same way that he loved Shadow - but there was still a love there for Haldir that would forever be there.   
  
Slowly and beautifully, the two elves made love once more, displaying much love, tenderness and passion for each other. Afterwards, they were exhausted from wine and weariness.  
  
Elrohir made a soft sound,lying on top of Haldir instead of beside him, too tired to move any farther. "Haldir..." he murmured the name so softly against Haldir skin. He wanted to stay awake to enjoy this moment in time with his lover, but he could not do it feeling sleep drag him down.  
  
Nuzzling into Elrohir's hair, too tired to move, Haldir simply snuggled into the body on top of him, holding him tight. "Elrohir, my love... he whispered, moved almost to tears with tenderness, "I love you, Elrohir..." His eyes could not stay open, and sighing contently, he drifted into pleasant dreams.  
  
Already almost asleep Elrohir hardly heard him, exhausted from the travel, the emotional strain of the last few days and the last few hours, the wine, and of course what they had just done. His head rested on Haldir's chest, his dark hair looking even darker just as Haldir's light skin looked even lighter in contrast to one another. The moonlight that shone through the windows glistening softly off their entwined sleeping bodies, catching the faint gleam of sweat. Lost in their own little world neither one of them was coherent enough to notice the dark figure that had slipped through the trees to the door and into the room... Only to stop in the doorway, eyes falling on the sight of the two lovers in bed. For a few moments it was as if time had stopped and then he was gone leaving them to sleep in peace. 


	10. Part 10 Bittersweet remembrance

LORD AND GUARDIAN  
Written by Jaya and Blue  
  
Part 10 - Bittersweet remembrance  
  
  
Celeborn had not wanted to think it, to accept the fact that it might be real, that what he had just seen could actually be happening, and yet now... How could he banish the picture of Haldir and Elrohir wrapped in each other's arms, bodies pressed together, blissfully asleep. //I was wrong.// The thought slipped through his mind glad when his feet found the ground, a hand on the tree keeping himself from falling - just barely. //How could I have been so wrong in what I saw? What I thought I saw...// His vision clouded slightly and he knew not where he was going, nor did he care to know. It did not matter right then, nothing mattered except that he loved and he had lost. Tears slipped down pale cheeks as he moved through the forest, silent, unseen and unseeing.  
  
Tinendel had silently followed Celeborn when he had left his room after midnight. He knew that the Lord intended to visit Haldir, to talk with him or have some kind of confirmation of his suspicions - and Tinendel feared what the answer would be. He had analyzed it over and over in his mind, and being extremely receptive to others' feelings, thoughts and body language - bordering to mind reading when he could look into their eyes - he was pretty certain Celeborn would encounter a scenario he did not want to see. He had waited in the shadows watching him enter Haldir's talan, and knew at once what had happened when he saw him stumbling out again. Seeing Celeborn running into the woods, he swiftly followed, afraid of what would happen to him.  
  
Celeborn managed to make it quite a ways without tripping, perhaps it was just luck or natural grace. But finally he tripped, sending himself sprawling silently onto the ground. He did not get up, instead it was easier to lie there, face pressed against the grass and leaves that littered the forest floor.  
  
Seeing Celeborn fall made Tinendel rush to his side, kneeling beside him. "Oh, meleth-nin," he said tenderly, carefully turning him around and placing Celeborn's head up in his lap. Silvery hair covered his face, and Tinendel stroke it to the sides, cradling him gently.  
  
Celeborn turned away from him, not wanting to see Tinendel, not wanting to see the knowledge written there on his face. He did not want to admit to being wrong, that... He did not say anything, curling up on his side once more, body shaking slightly with silent sobs.  
  
Removing dry leaves from Celeborn's hair, trying to wipe dirt and moss from the wet face, Tinendel just cradled him tightly, rocking slightly back and forth with the lord of Lorien in his arms. "There, there, love," he whispered into the pointed ear beneath the silvery hair, nuzzling him gently.  
  
"I was foolish to think that this could work." Celeborn sniffled quietly after a long few moments, still not looking at Tinendel. He felt drained in more than one way, not even knowing what to say to the one who had been his best friend for many years and in a lot of ways still was.  
  
Still nuzzling Celeborn's ear and hair, Tinendel let him take his time. He could feel the pain radiating from his body, and his heart bled for him. //Oh, my love, how can I help you?// "Did they see you?" he asked slowly, trying to decide the best way to deal with this situation.  
  
"They did not." Celeborn answered quietly, closing his eyes as he slowly tried to gather himself together again. He could not go on like this, not as he had been, not now. It would do himself and everyone else no good, for them he had to be strong. So Haldir loved another, then so be it; he had had his chance and he had let it pass him by.  
  
Carefully stroking his hair, Tinendel gingerly tried to turn Celeborn a little to get a look into his eyes. He was still undecided how to deal with the situation, but he had a feeling it was not yet hopeless, and he needed to know how Celeborn really felt.//Is he shutting down?// "You should still talk to him," he finally suggested.  
  
"There is no point in speaking with him now." Celeborn replied, sitting up, his back to Tinendel as he brushed his hair back away from his face. "What is there to say? He has made his choice - there is nothing more to be said. It is obvious that they are happy together. I would not jeopardize that..."  
  
Finally starting to form a theory, Tinendel placed his hands firmly on Celeborn's shoulders, turning him around and looking deep into his sky blue eyes, still wet with tears. "Do you really believe that? I do not think it is that simple. How can you be so sure about what he thinks and feels when you never speak to him? Perhaps he is just seeking comfort - to get over you. Have you thought of that? You cannot let this misunderstanding between you continue."  
  
"Does it truly matter now?" Celeborn pulled away from Tinendel. "It could not have been between us, you know full well the reaction of the people. Yes some will be accepting and others will not, you were there before." Celeborn caressed Tinendel's cheek gently. "It is better this way, no one else will be hurt least of all him."  
  
Not liking this change in Celeborn, Tinendel tried to read his eyes again, but found that they were now closed to him. That alone gave him strong clues of what was going on inside the silver-haired elf. "You speak of hurting other people, but what about yourself? You have loved him for many, many years, and you have never cared about his station before. I do not believe you when you suddenly worry about the acceptance of others." Holding Celeborn's face with both hands, Tinendel stared intently into his eyes. "Do not shut me out, meleth-nin. How do 'you' feel? What is going on inside 'your' heart?"   
  
Celeborn tried to pull away from Tinendel, emotions still too near the surface, too finely bound for them to not break free easily. How could he say that this did not hurt, that he had not cared for Haldir for so long only to find - now when he thought perhaps that longing was obtainable - that it would not be. "What does it matter what I feel, Tinendel? It has never truly mattered what I feel, but what is better for everyone else." He closed his eyes against Tinendel's searching gaze. "I cannot tell you that I do not love him, you know full well that I do." His voice shook slightly in the saying of it, and the knowledge that it was the truth. "What does it matter now? I can hardly go to him and say 'Haldir, long have I desired you with all my heart, body and soul. Forgive me for the misunderstandings that have come between us... I had though not to tell you but I must for my own sanity at least'." Celeborn shook his head slightly, eyes coming open again. "I could not do that to him, not now that he has found someone... someone else who can accept him."  
  
Tinendel's gaze softened, and he stroke Celeborn's cheeks tenderly, wiping the last remnants of tears and dirt away from them. //How have I not longed for him to be free from this yearning, to perhaps turn to love me again. But I cannot - not this way.// For a moment he could not speak, simply embraced Celeborn, burying his face in his hair. //I love him more than life itself. I cannot watch him make the same mistake I made. He will regret it the rest of his life. Like I have.//  
  
With a heavy sigh Tinendel caught his beloved's eyes again. "Love, you would sacrifice yourself for his happiness, I know that. That is how much you love him. But you saw his eyes clearly that fatal morning. You saw the hurt in him then, and I felt it today in the reception hall. He still has feelings for you, but he has been shutting them down, just like you are doing now. Did you not notice that second when he looked into your eyes? I saw him; he almost fell apart for a moment before he turned to ice again. He did not seem very happy"  
  
"Just as I know how much it must hurt you to be here for me, to watch this..." Celeborn whispered, nothing hidden as he looked into Tinendel's dark blue eyes. "How much things have changed," he breathed, an almost lost look playing across his face as he leaned forward to brush his lips gently across Tinendel's. "We are all hypocrites, we tell each other to do what we our selves cannot - or could not - do when we had the chance." He laughed almost bitterly breaking Tinendel's gaze, pulling him into a hard embrace. "Mayhap he does still feel something for me, he will get over it and find another. Already he had turned his feelings towards Elrohir, that much was obvious even when we met earlier. You cannot tell me that you did not see that as well, Tinendel, for even I saw that... Neh my friend, it is better this way." Gently pulling away from him, an almost infinitely sad look on his face - he felt old in a way he had not felt before as he walked over to kneel beside the stream splashing the cold water across his face.  
  
Tinendel had loved Celeborn all his life, and he had lost him because he had been a fool - how he had regretted his mistake. That time long ago in Doriath, when Tinendel had left him for adventures, he had intended to come back to his lover - but Celeborn had misunderstood, thinking he had left him forever, and so he had let Galadriel take Tinendel's place in his heart. When Tinendel returned it was too late - he had seen Celeborn happy with Galadriel and backed away - never telling him how much he still loved him, not wanting to disturb their happiness. Only much later had he understood that the love between Galadriel and Celeborn perhaps was not as strong as he had believed, but then it was too late. He had sacrificed his own happiness for that of his beloved, and he had never had the chance to rectify the misunderstanding.  
  
Now Tinendel had a chance to turn Celeborn's love towards himself again, after all this time, and he had never wanted anything so strongly in his life - his heart cried out for him. But he could not do this at the expense of having his beloved making the same sacrifice he had made - over a misunderstanding. //I want you more than anything in this world my love, but I cannot take advantage of this situation. Oh, what will I do?//  
  
As Celeborn turned his back on him to wash in the stream, Tinendel allowed his own walls to fall for a second. His heart was in agony, his mind in turmoil - for a second he almost lost his control as tears and pain erupted - with clenched teeth and fists he fought them back, turning his back on Celeborn.   
  
Celeborn kneeled by the water for a time, eyes closed - just listening and being, never feeling. It hurt too much to feel anything more than what was around him sometimes, this was one of those times. Celeborn knew or suspected what troubled Tinendel, though he had never had the heart to face that in his friend - nor did he now have the heart to turn around. Celeborn knew it would be too easy to simply stand up and walk into those arms - to loose himself in his friend and to take up what they once had and say that he loved him. In many ways he still did, yet he loved Haldir too. Celeborn wondered if it was possible to truly love two people at the same time. Slowly running a wet hand through his hair, Celeborn looked up at the stars in the sky above, wishing they could give him the answers to his questions - even though he knew they would not.  
  
//Do I always fix my eyes on what I think I cannot have because I cannot have it? Or do I simply take what I can have when it is available, because I think what I want is not and never will be? Is that why what was between Galadriel and I did not last? If I were to do as you long for, Tinendel, would it last or would I only hurt you more? I know for a long time I have loved Haldir, yet is this love true... Or is it merely because I can not have him that I love him, and once I do have him, if it were possible, would this feeling fade as it did with Galadriel?// Celeborn knelt lost in thought, not knowing any more which way to turn or where to look for the answers.   
  
Finally Celeborn turned to look at Tinendel, who's back was still to him and it almost broke his heart as much as seeing Haldir with Elrohir had. He cared deeply for his friend, and yet he knew that no matter what he did it was going to hurt one of them, he could not please everyone no matter how much he wanted to. //Why did things have to turn out like this?// He thought bitterly, hand coming up to brush new tears away from his cheeks, searching for answers when he knew he would get none. Standing up Celeborn walked over to slide his arms around his friend, pulling Tinendel back against himself. "Forgive me." He whispered softly, chin resting on Tinendel's shoulder.   
  
Tinendel turned slowly, unable to hide the pained expression still in his face. Seeing new tears on Celeborn's cheeks almost crumbled what control he had left, and he could not stop tears from rising in his own eyes. Not wanting to cause his beloved more pain by letting him see his own, he hugged Celeborn tightly, hiding his face in his hair. "Forgive you for what, melethron? For making the same mistake I made? I will not allow you to," he breathed.  
  
"It was not only your mistake but my own for taking the easy way out," Celeborn replied, hand coming up to gently run through Tinendel's silky, dark hair. "Ah, it would be so easy now to simply loose myself in you, I know you would have it, though you would not invite it..." Gently he tilted Tinendel's face up, his own feelings too open on his features for his own tastes, lips only a few inches away from Tinendel's. "Would you even have me now, if I were to turn away from him all together and embrace you?" He whispered in an almost inaudible voice.  
  
Seeing Celeborn's feelings so openly displayed on his face, all his pain and tears revealed, and his eyes open to the depth of his soul - Tinendel knew his own face and eyes were just as open. They read each other's innermost feelings in that moment. Overwhelmed by the surge of it, he closed his eyes, tears slipping out from under dark lashes, trembling visibly from his inner fight to kiss those beloved lips and say yes, yes! Not able to maintain control any longer, he captured Celeborn's lips with his own, tenderly at first, then passionately as his heart swelled in him, clinging to Celeborn like he was drowning. After a few moments he tore himself away, pressed his face down in his beloved's shoulder, and fought for control, breath hitching. Finally he whispered: "Would I have you, my love? I love you more than life itself, I always have. What you ask of me is unbearable - I want you with all my heart, I would wish nothing more. But I will not claim your heart because I know you love Haldir more, and you would regret for the rest of your life if you gave him up for me." Almost inaudible he added with the last of his breath: "Do not ask this of me, meleth-nin. I would die for you - if that could make you happy with the one you truly love."  
  
He had not been going to break his word that he would not have another if he could not have Haldir. He had promised it to himself when Galadriel had left, yet now... Celeborn was tempted to break his word to himself to pull Tinendel closer, to kiss him and tell him all would be alright - that he would not leave again. He could do that - could take Tinendel - let Haldir be happy with Elrohir and give his friend what he needed, but even as he thought it Tinendel's own words came back to him. Celeborn sighed softly, brushing his lips gently against Tinendel's. "Stay with me tonight, and let me hold you one last time as I did before." he whispered quietly. "Let me be the one to kiss away your tears this time... If you will not let me turn away from him, at least let me do this thing for you, will you not?"  
  
Tinendel slowly raised his head and gazed at Celeborn, trying to comprehend what he read in his eyes, finally nodding quietly. "Yes, I will, my love. But will you promise me then, that you will never give him up? You both love each other, you belong together. Will you let me give you this last gift in return - to help you get back the one you long for - before I leave you? Oh, my love..." His voice failed him, and he pressed his face to Celeborn's shoulder, body trembling from withheld emotion.  
  
"I do not know if I can face him again..." Celeborn admitted quietly, closing his eyes against the new tears that wanted to come. Torn between his feelings for Haldir and those for Tinendel - the knowledge of what it must have been like before and even now for his friend dawned in him.  
  
Holding Celeborn tight, eyes shut close, still fighting his emotions, Tinendel stroke the silvery hair over and over, contemplating what to say. Without lifting his head from his friend's shoulder, he finally suggested: "Let them have a day to themselves to sort things out, and ask Elrohir to come for dinner the day after tomorrow. After dinner, I will talk to him, trying both to find out the reason for his grief, and the depth of his relationship with Haldir. There might be a connection there, and we do not know how it really is between them. I suspect Haldir may just be seeking comfort where it is available, but we do not yet know Elrohir's motives. Perhaps if we knew, we would know if anything might change between them."  
  
"Aye perhaps that would be better..." Celeborn agreed quietly, "Will you stay with me till them?" He stared into the dark shadows of the night that played around them, saying nothing for a time. "Perhaps they seek comfort in each other, but what if it is not so?" Celeborn could not help but ask the question, it had to be said.  
  
"That is a decision you must make yourself, when your heart finally knows what it truly wants," Tinendel whispered in his ear, "but I will stay with you for as long as you need me, melethron." He slowly lifted his head and gazed into Celeborn's eyes with an infinitely tender look, butting their noses lovingly together, then he brought his lips to Celeborn's, gently nipping at the soft lips, then graduately capturing them fully and passionately, pouring all his feelings into the deep kiss, loosing himself in his beloved.  
  
"I am sorry, melethron..." Celeborn replied as the kiss ended, forehead still pressed gently against Tinendel's. "I am sorry I cannot be what you want... what you need..." His arms tightened gently around his friend's body pulling them closer. He vowed then that if things did not work with Haldir, he would do his best to be whatever Tinendel needed - what he wanted - the one he loved and to love him back. Pushing the thought from his mind, Celeborn kissed him again gently and lovingly. If this was to be Haldir and Elrohir's time, then it would be their time as well...  
  
Enjoying Celeborn's kiss, Tinendel closed his eyes, just feeling - eyes moistening again. "I know you cannot, but let us share this night as a last gift to each other - to keep as a remembrance of what we once were and could have been." he murmured into the sweet lips, not wanting to move, snuggling into his arms. After a while, he shivered in the cool night air, and gently folded an arm around Celeborn's shoulder. "It is getting cold, love. Perhaps we should go back inside?"  
  
Taking a slow deep breath trying to take control of the turmoil in his soul once more, Celeborn's arm settled around Tinendel's shoulders in return. "Aye, we should do that..." He agreed softly pressing a loving kiss to Tinendel's cheek before leading the way slowly back through the forest towards the city. Celeborn was not sure what was going to happen, or exactly what he was going to do. It hurt too much to think about it right then, so he let himself be content in comforting Tinendel, finding it easier to focus on someone else's hurt, someone else's need than his own. Yet despite his promise to himself, he would give his friend what he wanted - what they both wanted - for Celeborn could not say in all honesty that he did not want to share this last night with his friend. With the one he had once loved more than any other - it was almost funny how things could change.  
  
Nothing more was said as they entered the city and climbed the stairs to the large talan. Tinendel let himself be lead to Celeborn's lonely bedroom - Galadriel was as usual nowhere to be seen. Once inside, they stopped and embraced, still not speaking. Tinendel felt both happy and sad - happy because he had longed to hold Celeborn for so incredibly long - ever since their youth in the forest realm of Doriath, before the world changed, before the young Noldo Galadriel had arrived... Sad because he knew this would be the last time they would ever share a night of love - it would be a closure for all that had been between them - a jewel to treasure in their memories, allowing them both to move on - Celeborn to concentrate on his love Haldir - Tinendel to leave Celeborn and try to find happiness elsewhere.  
  
Celeborn did nothing for a time, simply studying the tall, dark-haired beautiful elf in the silver shadows that danced around the room through the large windows and laced curtains. Hiding and yet showing all that there was from inside but hiding from the outside. Gently Celeborn pulled Tinendel into his arms, kissing him lovingly upon the lips. Much that had once been had changed between them and yet at the same time there was much that had been and always would be the same. Some things that are known can never be forgotten and that goes doubly so for elves as they cannot forget even if they might wish. "I would that you were happy..." Celeborn said quietly after a time, his hands traveling along Tinendel's back.  
  
"So wish I that you were, meleth-nin," Tinendel mumbled in his ear, relishing in the loving touches so long missed, yet so familiar. "I promise to do anything I can to help you resolve the misunderstanding with Haldir, and get him back to you - if it can be done. Let that be my last gift to you before I leave you," he sighed, unable to keep his hands off Celeborn, caressing his hair and face tenderly, nipping at his lips.   
  
"And what would I give you, for it seems I have given you nothing but pain with no remedy..." Celeborn's fingers came up to caress Tinendel's face gently, looking into his dark blue eyes. "I..." He could say nothing to the rest of it - Tinendel knew and had seen the pain and the loss in his eyes, knew for himself how it felt. But he did not voice his vow, it would be wrong to bring hope when there might not be any. "Enough talk of Haldir, and of many things... tonight there is no Haldir, tonight there are only you and I..." Celeborn said gently, carefully locking Haldir away in the back of his mind, though he could not do so completely. For the fair-haired elf was in some way or another always in his mind, in his heart, and in his thoughts...   
  
"I will treasure this night forever, meleth-nin. Some pain is inevitable no matter what we choose - this is truly a great gift - it will help us to move on." Tinendel knew that Celeborn now recognized how it had always been for him - and hoped that the lord of Lorien would choose not to go down the same path Tinendel had chosen. Holding him tight, bestowing feather light kisses upon the pale face shimmering in the moonlight, he whispered into the soft skin: "I hope I can bring you some comfort too, my love... I am so glad you will share this night with me."  
  
"You bring comfort to me by simply being here and you always have." Celeborn replied gently, eyes half closed as Tinendel's lips brushed across his face. His hands sliding down from Tinendel's face to his shoulders, brushing gently against the smooth skin visible along the neckline of his tunic. Celeborn's hands slid lower to his friend's waist and beneath the fabric of his clothing resting gently against his skin. "I have no words to say just how much you have done for me in the past and in the present..."  
  
Tinendel's breath hitched as he felt the warm touches he had yearned for, his skin tingled, making him flushed. Relishing the sensations coursing through him, his lips moved slowly along Celeborn's yaw line, tracing his tongue along the earlobe and up to the delicate pointed tip, tasting it, blowing gently on it, treating it the way he still remembered would undo Celeborn. "Oh, melethron, I have no words for what you are doing to me in the present..." he breathed into the delicious ear, before continuing his ministrations.   
  
Celeborn chuckled huskily, tilting his head to the side, breath hitching softly in his chest as Tinendel continued to tease his ears. Slowly he began moving the two of them towards the bed, unsure how much longer he could stay on his feet like this. "And you still know how to drive me crazy..." Celeborn murmured softly, pushing Tinendel's tunic up as his hands ran gently along his skin.  
  
"Ah, so do you, my love," Tinendel gasped as Celeborn's roaming hands brushed his nipples. Shifting a little to allow his beloved to slide his tunic down his shoulders and drop it to the floor, he deftly opened the front of Celeborn's tunic and pushed it aside. In awe, he stared for a moment at the pale firm chest memorizing every inch of it, then he gently run his hands along the skin, savouring the feel of it, fingers coming to rest at the pink nipples raising from the skin to meet his touch.  
  
Brushing fingers gently across new scars pale in the moonlight, Celeborn wondered just how far his friend had gone while he had been away, wondered at all that he had seen. Part of him wished that he could have been there with him, that things had never changed between them. But they had, and there was nothing to be done for it now, and they could no sooner go back to who they were then, than they could to what they once had been. //But we can have now...// Celeborn turned to catch Tinendel's lips gently with his own, pressing a loving and passionate kiss to them.  
  
Closing his eyes, Tinendel lost himself in the passionate kiss, feeling his body awakening, sending warm waves all over him. After all these years his body still instinctively remembered how to respond to every of Celeborn's touches, and knew how his old lover would respond to any of his. His heart swelled in him, rekindling all those old, suppressed feelings he had for this wonderful elf in his arms. Silently he pushed Celeborn's tunic down his shoulders and to the floor, and continued to remove the rest of his clothes as they stopped next to the bed.   
  
Celeborn slowly run his fingers down along Tinendel's body, touching skin gently, lovingly. It was like they had gone back in time, only different - a soft sigh escaped Celeborn's lips as his fingers came to rest on the waist band of his old lover's leggings, loosening it. "Ah..." he whispered softly, as the last vestige of clothing slipped away to the floor. Celeborn gently pulled Tinendel against himself, letting both of them fall back onto the bed with Tinendel on top, his eyes full of tender love.  
  
Infinitely tenderly they made love - over and over - in bittersweet remembrance. Every time they lay limp beside each other, their hands and lips began wandering anew - hungry to rediscover everything that once had been between them. They relished in the remembrance of all the ancient sensations, every touch, every emotion reawakened to be experienced anew, loosing themselves in each other's bodies. Lingering, tender loving alternated with hot passion - often with laughter, a few times with tears. Utilizing every shred of their elven endurance, they took care to enjoy this their last night together to the fullest, creating of it a precious jewel, forever to be treasured in their hearts. Finally, sated in every way and utterly exhausted, they found themselves laying in each others arms, their eyes locked in a loving gaze, drinking the sight of each other in their current state, memorizing every detail of the other.  
  
Nothing was said for a long few moments as they simply lay there once more lost in each other's embrace. Finally Celeborn sighed softly, brushing a tender kiss across Tinendel's lips. "I am glad we had this chance...." He whispered quietly, sincerely. "I am glad my friend." He pressed his lips gently to Tinendel's forehead this time.  
  
Tinendel closed his eyes as Celeborn kissed him, enjoying the attention his lover had lavished on him, feeling extremely happy to have been given a night like this after having pined for him for so long. He had been in a state of pure bliss for hours, the very feeling of finally being granted his highest wish was so overwhelming - but slowly the unwelcome reality started slipping back, little by little, reminding him that this would not last beyond this night. They would go back to their previous positions - Celeborn wanting Haldir - and Tinendel the faithful friend helping and supporting him in obtaining that goal. Not wanting to let reality back in just yet, he snuggled tightly into his beloveds face and sighed contently. "Yes, my love. I am so very grateful we shared this night. I will treasure it in my heart forever."  
  
"You should find something else to treasure in your heart forever...." Celeborn said quietly, he had not missed the look in Tinendel's eyes and knew reality had come back to him once more. He tightened his arms around his friend whishing that he could hold it at bay at least for a little while longer. "...You deserve something better than that." //Than me... I was not good enough for you, I would have waited if I had been good enough, but I turned away from you more than once and now I cannot go back again...//  
  
Sensing the uneasiness in Celeborn's voice, Tinendel frowned a little, gazing at him. "I could never have anything better than what you have given me this night - I have always loved you so dearly - this is more than I have ever dared to dream of. If you knew how many times I have regretted bitterly that I left you back then - I hoped you would ask me to stay, but you did not - and I believed it was because you did not want me to. I was such a fool to ever leave you!" Suddenly filled with emotions, he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Celeborn's.  
  
"I was the fool to let you go..." Celeborn replied simply. Though they had both had their own reasons for what they had done, it was as simple as that. There was nothing they could do now to change things. Perhaps there was a reason that things had turned out as they had, he did not know what it was but he hoped that there was. "...Even though I can not give you what you want and need?" He asked softly, gently tilting Tinendel's chin up so that he could peer into his old lover's eyes. "And do not tell me that I can because I cannot - you have already told me so yourself..."  
  
Clinging to Celeborn, not wanting to look in those beautiful blue eyes he loved so dearly, Tinendel slowly answered: "I know where your heart lies, you cannot change that even if you want to. I know you want to be good to me by sacrificing your own need, but I will not let you do that. It is enough that one of us made the wrong choice - oh, my dearest beloved, I could not take advantage of your broken heart! You have given me all you can give me tonight, and I will treasure this jewel in my heart, whether you want me to or not..." Voice failing, he pressed his face down in the pillow.   
  
Celeborn could not speak for a moment, instead he pulled Tinendel closer hearing the sorrow in his voice. "We both errored in the past." He finally managed, biting his lower lip for a moment. "It was not just you love, it was I as well..." His own voice fell silent, unable to continue, as he pressed his forehead against Tinendel's head. He felt the full weight of the whole situation coming crashing down, the need, the worry, and the pain, but not only for Haldir - for Tinendel's happiness as well. "Ahh... is there no way that we can all be happy in this?"  
  
Hearing Celeborn's desperate plea, Tinendel finally lifted his head a little to face him with moist eyes. "I am still a fool, meleth-nin, for letting you feel my pain. It was your heart that was broken tonight, not mine - my sorrow is old. I am so sorry my love, instead of easing your pain, I have given you another. If it is at all possible, I will bring Haldir back to you, to make you both happy." Placing a tender kiss to Celeborn's lips, he whispered almost inaudible: "Then I must leave you - I will not give you the burden of seeing me every day, disturbing your happiness, knowing... " Fighting his emotions, he closed his eyes, causing a single tear to run down his cheek, voice trembling slightly. "Do not worry about me, I will find someone. I always do..."  
  
"Tinendel..." Celeborn whispered turning Tinendel's head towards him. "Tinendel, you can not tell me not to worry for you, for I will worry no matter where you go...." His lips kissed away the tear, his own voice none to steady as he spoke. "You are not a fool for wanting another to share your pain, for I have done the same to you already... ever since you came back by my own words and actions. We need another to speak of our pain and our tears to, to make it easier by sharing so that we can help, only..." He stopped, blinking back tears as he looked away from Tinendel. //I cannot help you...// though he wanted desperately to. "It would not be a burden to see you every day, do not ever think or say that. If you feel you need to leave I will understand why you do so, but do not do it for that reason.... please."  
  
Not able to hide his agony, Tinendel stared at him with a distorted face, new tears welling up. "You will always be my dearest friend and my first and greatest love... but it would be like seeing you with young Galadriel all over again. I cannot... Oh, what do you want me to do?" Desperate, he hid his face in his hands, shoulders shaking slightly.  
  
"I want you to be happy...." Celeborn whispered drawing Tinendel close. "If leaving here is happy - but do not do it because you think that my seeing you will make me unhappy... I will worry for you yes, but I would do that were you here or not..." His voice broke as he held Tinendel closer. "I do not know how to help you my friend.... Aye but I wish that I could..."  
  
Brokenly, Tinendel mumbled: "You have helped me by giving me this night... that is all you can do..." Sniffling, he shifted to press his wet face into Celeborn's neck. "Just hold me... for the rest of this night... like we once were... like we have been now... oh, meleth-nin..." His breath hitched, and he could say no more.  
  
"I will be here when you wake..." was the reply he had, Celeborn shifted pulling him closer. He loosed him only long enough to pull a light blanket up around their bodies. "If there is ever more I can do, melethin-nin, you have only to ask, remember that I will do whatever I can for you...." He blinked back tears. //For both of you...//  
  
Weeping silently, Tinendel closed his arms tightly around Celeborn and nuzzled deep into the curve between his shoulder and neck, brushing his skin lightly with shivering lips. //I will do what I can to secure your happiness, my love... as I always have... oh, my love, if you only knew what sacrifices I make for you!//  
  
//Haldir... Tinendel... Why must I choose between them? If only I could make both of them happy....// Celeborn's thoughts wandered as sleep slowly began to settle in. //And if Haldir does not want me? Then at least I can make things right here. I could not forget all, forget neither the feeling nor the longing, but I could be... Ahh... Why must things be like this? I pray that you forget me and find someone who can please you, for I know I have brought only sadness when it comes down to it.// Celeborn closed his eyes against new tears. //Haldir...// The hard coldness in his voice in the hall, the look in his eyes as he had run away flashed through Celeborn's mind, he shivered slightly clutching Tinendel tighter, trying to bring the better images to mind. Yet it was not just Haldir that came to mind -it was times before that as well.  
  
Exhausted from both emotion and bodily pleasures, Tinendel finally felt himself drifting into dreams. Slowly forgetting his saddened state, the dreams reminded him of the happiness he had shared with Celeborn this night, and blissfully he sighed and cuddled up against him as sleep engulfed him.  
  
Celeborn's thoughts haunted him for a while longer before blissful dreams set in, dragging him down into their warm embrace like the comforting arms of Tinendel still around him. Forgetting for a while longer his own sorrows and worries, lost in happier dreams, dreams of other times and places; not all of which were real. 


End file.
